If Jim had one thing going for him, it wasn't good looks, good luck, a lightning fast intellect, nor a sexy cop wife. Each of things was had by Doug, who'd married his own sister

One of the doctors who caught the end of it said that he’d knocked down three of them before the last one hit him in the head with a brick.” “A brick!?” I yelped. The floodgates

One time, there were two men, who ran a beauty parlor, three doors down from the evangelical "Four Square Church and Tabernacle." It had been five days since the six o'clock

Her kids loved dinosaurs, but she couldn't take them to the natural history museum with its lies about evolution and how the earth had existed longer than the Bible said.

I'm not convinced that's really a star. She whispered her thoughts to me on the hillside, and then we watched it sail across the horizon. It's not, I told her, it's

And the parade lines reformed for the ribbon cutting. My parents were in the brass section & Meryl with her flute. They played & marched & I cut open the gift. And the parade lines

Jim stepped off the porch, crying through his nose and coughing the shit up like it contained his regret. He'd gone to make the last payment in person, but she'd invited him in.

The night would only last four more months, but he needed a tan for prom or else he was literally going to disappear into the photographer's flash. Spray tan was out, but microwave

One day there was a girl named Bernice who was walking down the street. She was walking her dog who had a cone on his head. He had a cone on his head because he had recently been

Why oh why had Daniel sent the form in. It was a disaster waiting to happen, he knew. As soon as the envelope fell into the post box he felt

The Wondra Women were a club of Iowa's best gravy makers. One day they turned on Hattie, who had committed a lumpy transgression. "Be more careful, bitch, Argo!" Hattie sobbed and

The day the roses turned black was the day that everything changed for us. We had only just recovered from

I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself.Actually,what I could see was this shadow wich was shaped like me but was kind of smokey and blurry,so I ran

Walking into the back of the restaurant, a waiter bumped him aside and apologized profusely. They'd turned down the lights since he'd left and were still a little blind. His knife

He slid the chair aside and she looked up from the menu. Her eyes flashed something he couldn't catch and she handed him a menu with a smile. "Are you aware that you're 37 seconds

“Base to Captain Gromit, Base to Captain Gromit. Come in Captain Gromit.” “Captain Gromit. Come in Captain Gromit. Where are you?” “Captain Gromit. This is an urgent message!"

"WHY GOD WHY?" Little Jerry whailed as the realization set in. He was wrong. Dead wrong. There IS reincarnation and he is now a burka wearing lesbian married to a

Alan was on a nervous high before his first (blind) date since the divorce. But the person looking expectantly his way appeared to be wearing a pair of crotchless tights as a shirt

The highschool reunion was his final opportunity to reject Carmen. He wanted her to be attracted to him and then diss her in front of everyone. The only problem was he was fat and

I have the most unbelievable rash.