The night would only last four more months,

The night would only last four more months, but he needed a tan for prom or else he was literally going to disappear into the photographer's flash. Spray tan was out, but microwave

gluten-free, omega 3 infused tanning oils were in. 10 minutes on High and forgot to puncture the pouch. It exploded like a bouncing Betty. At the prom he looked like a tan Zebra

crossed with an Oompah Loompah. His orange skin glistened under the disco ball lights. The look worked on him as he was voted Prom King, which was an honor he accepted by

telling an old Oompah joke about a Loompaians blind date with a swedish girl. He'd downed a few too many Snowplows and went a bit overboard. When he got to the part about

her mother, he realized he had gone a step past the line and knew what was coming. As the steel-tipped boot dislodged his scrotum and testicles, he prayed for death.

Jesus. I was going to write something. But thinking of some poor bastard with a dislodged scrotum and testicles makes me a little queasy. Excuse me. Talk amongst yourselves.

That's why Testicle Repair Man flies in to the rescue! "Testicle Repair Man!" "My hero!" "See how he uses box wrench to tighten that nut!" The man's dislodged scrotum was fixed in

two shakes of a lamb's tail and he went on his merry way, whistling Dixie and patting himself contentedly. As Testicle Repair Man watched the man go, he reflected once again on

exactly why he chose to spend his life delicately handling another man's balls. He could've been a bus driver, a sandwich artist, an architect, a statistician. Testicle Repair Man

said the shingle that'd hung all these years outside his workshop. Ironic when the shingles outbreak of '13 ruined everything.