Slugman glared at me as Joyce from Forensics reported that all five mucusy trails were concocted from mucilage and olive oil. "Slugman, I owe you more than an apology. How about

"WHY?!" he screamed. as his mom rushed in, to find her son having a nervous breakdown on the floor. "What's wrong, honey?!" He replied: I read Cupcakes! Again! Why Pinkie Pie, why"

GROG COOK MEAT! "Ah, my dear chap but have you tried this?" I took the bread and put it on a stick over the fire. The cave man looked quizzically. "This is toast." GROG LIKE TOAST!

Rich took Joey to work today - I got home... and no dog greeted me.

Such were the days that Montaro dreaded. The sun, bright overhead, reminded him only that he had flown too close to the metaphorical sun that was limitless anonymous sex

heather hritzel

Kimberley Stockholm was a godzilla - she had arms that were a mile long, teeth that you could see your reflection in, and her breath...YEEEEESHHHH!

Let's all go to the zoo. We can go just me & you. We can see a gnu. A green cockatoo. And a wombat eating its poo.

"Wow, what's THIS?" The taste tester's eyes lit up as he took another bite. Product developers at McDonald's knew they had a hit on their hands when they created the Tripe Burger.

This is the saddest story I have ever heard.

Trenia walked into the studio with an open mind and wounded heart. She was seeking solace in art and peace in creativity. Oh, the couple of martinis she'd indulged in didn't hurt

From the helicopter above, I dropped my son into the Atlantic. "Survival instincts are the best swimming lesson," I shouted as he descended. "I put granola bars in your pocket, so

"I will always add to a fold which has mustard in it." she said. We shook our heads. What world was she living in? Her rapid mental degradation had shocked our family to the core.

"Go ahead" I said. "Take one". I could tell everything I needed to know by what flavor Jolly Rancher each candidate selected. ~Apple~ Hmm, hadn't counted on that. This called for

Meanwhile, on Innuendo Island, Bob Uppindown winked a brown eye at fellow camp counselor Shirley Knotty. They sat on the shores of Lake Likkaflappaskyn, playing a baudy game of

Omni schmeetna, dos brooach peevno. Calenti opposum snided crass fwatt-twats. "Vo inc ra meatta?" Calenti russed. "No," replied Thelma. "There is no way I'm gonna do that."

"Latin is a dead language," Maurice said. Lewis replied, "No, YOU'RE the dead language." Then he offered him a drink. Maurice, in his naivety, drank the liquid. He suffered and di

The technician poured in a loose collection of nuts and bolts, and then screwed shut the panel on the back of his skull. "Back to work!" hollered the boss, as Kevin rattled back to

The wife laid out a dandy of an Easter basket for little Jimmy. But Daddy had the munchies some'n fierce. You don't think he'd miss just one chocolate bunny do you?

I was lying back in the punt on the Cam at Cambridge going past the backs of the colleges. I couldn't remember the name of the man punting away behind me - it'd come back to me I'm