AQUARIUS: You will receive an unexpected windfall this week. Be mindful of strangers who will want you to share your newfound wealth. Seek a Leo for companionship.

It was love at first sight. I saw him watching me and when I looked at him he did the cutest little shy lookaway. But there was just something there. I knew right away that we'd

He was rummaging in the dumpster for food when he found it,an unused lottery ticket. He leaned against a hefty bag & began scratching. He was so used to his bad luck, at first

After a few drinks Mr Ego thought he was the hottest man at the nightclub. Every lady he approached didn't seem interested in his moves so Mr Ego drank more alcohol and thought

And then he appeared. Patrick Swayze. His angel wings flapped from his temples. I tried to speak but he held up his finger. Shirtless. He said, "Now I've had, the time of my

My girlfriend loves chocolate, so I thought what better present? I had myself delivered to her apartment in a large box with a sash, encased in a life-sized chocolate Santa Claus.

The night before he'd crushed up thousands of ecstasy tablets and put them in the sugar dispenser. As he gave people their Venti's he watched them load up on

The circles covered the entire football field in multi-colored rows. 500 people gathered together. The mighty spinner twisted. A thunder over the speakers, "LEFT FOOT ON RED!"

Anne,the ant and Greg,the grasshopper made a cute couple,but conception was a problem.He vowed to take care of the kids while she worked and she was OK with reversed parts but

Nortessa and Jang surveyed the poor young Earth through the aumbrous visibulbs of their temposhiff. "Not yet, my dear. They *are* trying. Some of them, many of them anyway," said J

What happened to Cowboy TV?

The white car fiercely driven by Rudy approached the wall dangerously close to the rail and when a shiny flame caught his vision he stop on a

One smart fella and he felt smart. Two smart fellas and they felt smart. Three smart fellas and they all felt smart.

There is one person who always ruins every family event. In my family, I am that person: my name is Joseph Brener -- Black Sheep of the Brener Clan and Middle Son of thirteen kids.

This story is not about Hamlet, but about slow-adult cousin Omelette. Long before the famed-skullduggery, Hamlet was put in charge in Omelette. They traveled around

Yesterday I killed a cockroach, had never felt so bad with myself since I became a Jainist. I felt my world crash, when I realized with horror what the slime under my shoe was

God asked Dr.Dolittle to gather all the unlikely creatures in a 2nd ark. If he was going to fool scientists with the evolution yarn, the pushme-pullyu, one-eyed purple people eater

Cramer slumped in the corner at the holiday party.He was shy, awkward, didn't know how to talk to women. He was also quite homely. But when he stood, unaware, beneath the mistletoe

"Forty miles as the crow flies, my back paw!" thought Melville. The crow in question meandered from one empty corn field to the next. How was a mouse supposed to visit his brother

I have a theory that three-year olds have a faster time frame of reference. In the two minutes it has taken for me to get her a glass of water,