"Ok, put the Mackerel behind the wheel." "Don!" I shouted. But Don was serious. I pulled the oily fish from the tank and sat him in the driver's seat. It was a formula 1 car and th

When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle

What happened to Cowboy TV?

He looked down on his cousin on remote camera and thought "we'll it's your choice. It's just too bad you chose to become a fat bastard I wish you would've chose to become

They set off at once to find Semolina Pilchard, but were interrupted in Galveston when, stopping for gas, they were accosted by a man selling squirrel ambergris and subsequently

I would put something creative and novel into the new story box, but, i am very low on inspiration. So, um, there was a man named Bob. No, scratch that. His, no, her name is

Well, I for one nominate that we flood this new Orwellian Cispanet with so much degenerate, offensive filth that it makes Tom Green blush & those thought-nazis consider a repeal.

Roscoe was a Boston Terrier in a Top Hat, super cute but also, hideously evil.

I removed all the money from an envelope labeled 'Life Savings' and turned it in for a stack of chips. The roulette wheel was calling me. "All these on red," I said. My luck

Baba Yaga the Hutu was sick of the jokes.

This is Commander Hadfield to ground control. I've left forever more. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the music stars look very different today.

Something interesting is happening here. Have you noticed? The seemingly endless supply of letters, words, and language is running out. There are only so many available. With each

Det. Manatee knew the arsonist was either a man with gender issues or a woman, because a CD with Alicia Keys' "Girl on Fire" was glued to the curb in front of each burned out

"TMI" "Huh?" "TMI - 'too much information', like when your buddy says, 'Since my wife has me on this vegan diet my turds are green.' or . Get it?"

"First, you're gonna want to macerate your berries thusly. Feel how soft they're getting? Now you can masticate them soo easily. Mmm." A mass debate in Bobby Flay's studio audience

BOOM SHAKA LAKA!

"Yo." I waved my hand in front of the girl's face. No response. Great. Here I was, stranded in the middle of nowhere, with only a pencil in my pocket and a comatose girl.

Mira fell on her back, so I reached out. "You look like you could use a hand," I said. She held on and I pulled. Moment of truth... uh-oh. I couldn't lift her. My shoulder popped

when I was a little girl, my mother used to love me so much. she used to kiss me and hug me all th time. However, when I became a young lady, she stayed away from me.

The thing about Abe Froman was that it was all about sausages. Sausage this and sausage that. One time I said, "knock, knock?" And he said, "Sausage, now shut your mouth."