If I could back as an animal I would come back as an octopus and hide in my ex-girlfriend's tub so I could

I'm what you call an hacker-for-hire . While on a job to hack Sony's new Wii projects, I hit the motherload when I discovered the "Wii-X" games never intended for the mass market

"No cameras. No reporters. Just you and me and a cheese-stuffed crust pizza." Trump smiled at her. Sarah giggled and pushed her glasses back. Her hand

He had always wanted to be a Sex Ed instructor, even before he was told what that meant. He would've been a great one, too. But the cruel phallus of fate had other plans.

I heard another knock at the door. "Who is it?" I asked exasperatedly. "YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!" replied my grandma. "Third time today," I muttered as I opened the door only to find

They need to invent a new monster, something scary. I like vampires and zombies and stuff, but like they beat that horse to death, we need something totally freaky and new like

Chernov fumed. "Oh sure, don't worry, the asteroid will miss us by thousands of miles -- but then they get the transit time wrong by several hours?!! What kind of

Finally, an econimist strolled out with a magic marker. "Since zeroes equal nothing, let's just cut off the last six numbers from the national debt." Congress applauded.

This is wrong, I know it, but I can't stop. Using stones and my catapult to put out street lamps is such a powerful way to hit back at the spoilers of the dark, we just don't need

the elven warriors had painted their six-legged Girhinodomes with streaks of gold and purple paint. The beast's mains were translucent showing green blood pumping

Cheswick Blighton would sometimes tune his radio to a certain frequency. His pineal gland would tingle, and he would engage in lively disputes with the Koi of nearby dimensions.

Jonathan suddenly stopped using relationship markers at the end of each utterance to his male friends. "What syntactical twist is this, my bruv?" said Brian, his

I could drink no more but the man kept buying. Damn he was handsome. What could I do? Say no? If only I could say no. It seemed a curse of mine to always say yes. He took me by the

I mourn for my lost guinea pig Petey. It's been five years now. I still make it a tradition to visit his gravesite. It's out by the projects. Next to the heroin dealer.

Bob's dreams hadn't panned out over the years. He hadn't saved the whales. He hadn't cured cancer. He hadn't circumnavigated Mars. But then he watched Randy Pausch's Last Lecture,

I was slowly walking to school on my first day, and seeing that all the students have already left me. As I hear the bell ring from miles away, a sudden male student grabs my hand

To friends see eachother at the mall and say hey, "What's up!"

I like pinapples, but jim here says they remind him of the desert. I told him no, pinapples are from the rainforest and he...

David stood there, sweaty and hot. The 90 degree day was not kind to him, seeing as he was wearing a suit and tie, standing on a street corner, his gaze affixed to his watch. Soon,

"There's no place like home. There's no place like-" She opened one eye, to check if anything had changed. It hadn't. She shut it again. "-home. There's no-