"We need to get off this damn planet -- these people are crazy!" Cappy Dammit might have lacked some joined-up thinking, but he was a Megador of the BBQ. One day in the Drift,

The bat swept in from the storm. Dracula confronted him. The bat's claw had a crystal key that

A sock was stuck in the core of the nuclear submarine' s refrigeration unit, causing a meltdown. The explosion's tidal wave sunk California. Then the U.S. national debt suddenly

He had the faintest recollection of having a truly outstanding idea. On his hand was written "asparagus goal priceless". Asparagus goal priceless? What in the hell did that mean?

Mr. Ham R. Tongs pointed at the pie chart. "As you can see, we spent too much on Manhole Covers this fiscal year. I purpose we switch from cast iron to corregated cardboard."

I have a hard time distinguishing needs and wants. I needed to prove something to Sherry, so I ate a whole box of brown sugar. Now I am

"If you had a fire in a convenience store & Gatorade were flammable we could get sued, so we put the flame retardant in it." "...and what does brominated vegetable oil taste like?"

Long shoots of grass grew up between the slats of the benches scattered here and there along the crooked paths.I and my friend were playing catching,suddenly,my friend fell in to a

The sun shone brightly on the blue waves of the open sea. A young child with hair of fire stood attentively at its mouth, looking for someone. On the horizon, a ship was approach

The word for today is burrito. Burrito burrito burrito. Chili verde burrito. Bean and cheese burrito. Dorito machito burrito grande por favor. Carne asada burrito. Burrito? Si.

My parents gave me advice like "Don't talk with your mouth open." and "Hold my hand while crossing the street. I don't want to die alone."

'No Billy, you can't be a Half-Elf Clown in Dungeons and Dragons,' said Mike, always the buzzkill. 'But you said you wanted scary.' replied Billy. 'Wait! I know! How about

Houston Furnace Repair –Has Your Heating Unit Stopped Providing Comfort?

"The shortest distance between two idiots is but a few feet." Master Yang told his pupil. The student, Jimmy Cake, could totally see into that, as he continuously bumped into stup

Many years ago there lived an Emperor who desired a new black-blue dress,but when the tailor made it, he was furious:"WHY did you bring me a WHITE-GOLD dress? I specifically said

"Unlike you, a bully- I'm a s u g a r pie h o n e y bunch."

Once upon a time, there was a boy by the name of Sono. He was very platonic and lenient. Sono never wished to hurt anyone and always helped everyone. Sono also had a

Did I tell you about the time I drove to the Czech Republic with three friends? Well, I say three friends; one of them was my brother, one was a friend of my Dad's and the other

Once upon a time there was a pig.

The manager wrapped the tape measure around my waist. "I'm afraid you're too skinny to be a mall Santa. Better luck next year." I knew I should've eaten more than a salad and