memoirs by me

'Friggin things musta shrunk up again' she muttered as she yanked on the denim, and completed a perfect impression of an overfilled muffin cup, spilling out the sides. 'Do these

The Tale of the 5 AM Sandwich and the Perilous Pickle of Peter Piper when confronted by Envy. Or sometimes The Rape of the Starbuck's Woman.who also worked at Panda Express.

The fearless Tomgra has become timid and clings to

"Good morning! How are you?" He vibrated with rage. "How in hell would that be any of your damn business?! I'm fed up with your intrusive questions. By the way, how are you?"

..and so the decision young man, The Lady or The Tiger?" I adjusted my turban and regretted my situation. Now I know why the prince traded places with me. What does a pauper know?

With a loud click, the door shut behind him. He was in a sterile white room. A voice droned, "Mars Sense Deprivation test: Subject A-4." The only thing in the room was a slinky.

The office was shocked when the vice president of pizza college gave her 3 weeks notice today. The statistician started to cry, because her awesomeness is 100% irreplaceable.

I decided my credo was to "Always pay it backwards." That means I steal the coffee from that guy behind me in line. And later, he will steal someone's happy meal, and so on...

"There will be many, with whom, to compare your failings , but none to compare your successes, because of this fact, it will be hard to determine which is which." Then I left Kinko

The travelling merchant stopped outside the castle gates, "Can I interest you in our Jolly Products? Perhaps Your Majesty would like to sample my newest 'Royal Phat Beats' BBQ sauc

I am standing in the middle of the street playing hide and seek with the moon through the trees. The hum of the world tonight includes tankers hauling crude and Laredo traffic.

The duck walked down the road on the hot day and he found some crumbs and ate them. He drank some water & his belly swelled because it was pink lemonade, & it was magic. So he was

Bearnard closed his eyes in the face of the wind. The sound of water crashing around the ferry could not disturb his dream. He saw a sky, bruised with bold clouds, threatening to

He burrowed further to acclimate himself with the wild creatures. They warned him that he was crossing a line. The "Meerkat Man" knew he had to one with these gentle beasts.

I want to take a moment to reverse-thank the weight lifting wife thanking rocket scientist fire fighter on social media. It's a two way double edged sword here.

Three little mice walked down the street. One was brown, the second with a frown, the third had a crown.

One day in Millcreek

He was a Greek waiter, she was an English tourist on the mythical isle of Lesbos. They communicated in broken German and the International Language of Love. Georgios pulled his

Stop me if you heard this one. Three guys walk into a bar. No, two guys. And one has a limp. Oh, yeah, he's a priest. Then the bartender -- she's a lesbian -- says