Jim had one goal in mind. To be awesome. Beer? Check. Crossbow? Check. Jerky? Check. Wallet in a shoulder holster? Check. He smoothed his hair and grimaced. Time to

They're the worst bees. I bet they don't pollinate or make honey or defend the queen they just fly around stinging shit. Nightmare bees, deadbeats, let's all just get together and

"Wag yer tail! Wag yer tail!" I said to my dog, but for some reason Maggie thought I was talking to her.

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun

I didn't like driving at night but since it was an emergency I took the car keys and headed towards the shiny new BMW. I opened the door - and stepped into blinding sunshine.

Michelle's smell caused Biden's eyes to explore her neck and decolletee. The moment melted into an intimate crossroads. Any time to consider the paths would lead to shame, he kisse

Every fold is sacred.

If I were to start my life over again, I wouldn't have been born the way I was born. What a way to come into this world!

They fired him after his presentation on impregnating toilet tissue with ghost pepper extract.

In 2030 Harry"s daughter was diagnosed with a huge tumour that made her look seven months pregnant. She found herself catapulted back in time to the 1930's. During this journey she

It was raining outside. Lightning crashed somewhere in the distance. I was staring up at the masked vigilante who'd just broke down my door. I'd never forget what happened next.

I finally understood toothpaste for dinner. It is still not my favorite but in a pinch it will do. I had a list to do. I woke in a room in my bed. My Sun in the sky. My earth under

Slow day, isn't it?

He washed ashore, sputtering and shivering in the cold. For as far as he could see, nothing was on the beach save some stray seaweed and the occasional crab. Suddenly he spotted

The Fridge said to her, "Come on, open me. Reach inside and grab my goodies. You have no lover, no happiness might as well eat the rest of the pizza."

Member? Do you? Member?

When I think back to the moment I met the love of my life I get a warm tingling feeling in my heart and a tear will often start to roll down my cheek. I didn't know at the time

When they were younger they were stoners, but now it's crystal meth. They are perfect for eachother. He has a huge supply of razors, and she is covered in cuts. They both look

Nothing quite made sense anymore. Was it the lights? Was it the alcohol? Was it the drugs? All Vivian knew was that the world immediately around her was nothing like what she'd

Anytime you want to meet someone over the internet, take my advice. Don’t. Instead, take the time to