I'm sitting in the Rose & Crown. It's busy so I've got time to sneak in a fold. Oh no... Josh from work has spotted me & he's coming over. Will I have time to finish or will Josh

My tongue ripped off as I pulled my mouth away from the icy pole. One of my friends fainted. This was no longer just a game. The tongue started to turn white as the ice enveloped

hmmm wat do i have to acomplish today? house chores or..

I am afraid of parked cars with curve feelers, two toed sloths, windshield wipers that move outwards simultaneously, bad stand-up comedians, surly drive-in attendants,

Big Bob cut the cheese in homeopathically thin slices because

"Oh, don't be so scared, it's really very easy and not that steep at all. Watch me."

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I had thought that I was done with the voices. It has been years since I last heard them but I hear them tonight. They are so soft that I can almost believe they are simply static.

I communicated with aliens through my intergalactic, double band, high frequency modulation, dinodal quantum, crystalmethanolitic, marijunolitic, hexagonal triple breasted nipple

Don't piss on my back and tell me it is raining. I'd rather know if it is piss or not. I don't want the doubt. If your balls aren't big enough to keep me down though, your ass is

"No really, Clancy, pick the sword. It's right there by your left foot. Be careful. It's alive. It knows where we're going next. No you can't ask it for wishes."

If I were a bird I'd fly away.

Ryan leaned in, raised his hand to his brow to block out the daylight and squinted through the tiny porthole in the door. As his eyes adjusted, the shape of a

He lit the lamps of his hermitage and opened the doors of his soul. Finally! A lengthy reprieve from the workaday world of an alien culture. He shed the attire of exile, and put on

Dora and Boots sang, "Where are we going? To Mordor! How we gonna get there? We'll walk!" The Map told them: "The Shire...Mordor...Mount Doom! The Shire...Mordor...Mount Doom!"

I knocked. Knock tap tap tap knock. "Password?" I said "Up yours." The door opened and I stepped into the safehouse. A DEA agent was dead in the corner. 15 kilos of coke were piled

Splinter from a Road House. Pork Cracklin's. Mixed in a cauldron of piping hot full sugar coke. Poured into a boot. The Honky-Tonk Witch had finished making her Hill Billy Magic

"I have to gross pad stuff, so you might not want to watch me pee this time." said

Medical conditions: Guinezythuphobia. Patty scratched his head. "Well Miss Blakeney if you can draw a beer, serve customers and smile like that, you've got the job. Just sign here.

I lounge in my bedroom, my cat meows to be let in. Five minutes later, she wants back out to use the litter box, and I must use the bathroom. I get a drink of water, so does she.