'Are you a punctuation mark?' 'Yes.' 'Are you a subatomic particle?' 'Yes.' 'Are you an amusement park ride?' 'Yes.' 'Are you an interplanetary magnetic field?' 'Yes.'

Food was scarce in the Wasteland. To my right sat my dog, and to my left sat my father. My eyes darted between them hungrily, and I knew that I had to make a choice.

Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding. Ding. Ding-a-ling.

It was dark, and had been for a long time. So long that Mimi couldn't remember what light was like. That's why when she opened her eyes that October evening she was shocked to find

Over thirty days of drizzling rain and my mood is as dull as the cloud who's unselfconscious drool oozes down my window. Can we all scream "GREY", god i'm sick of grey.

"Hello all! I'm KJ Nutt, hole expert. Did you know? Holes can be used to stand in! And, they can actually make you appear a bit shorter or 'smaller'.

Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday it's best to keep the lights low and turn on some jazzy music to distract people. Put out some pretzels and just subtly dance around.

Trouble maker since birth,Spike the Dog was bffs with Snowball the Cat,experienced in the fine art of manipulating his humans into doing anything he wanted.One night,Spike got home

My name is cat. I am the cat in the hat. I know many things. For my hat gives me infinite wisdom. Though I may be strange, I am here to solve your problems. How may I help you?

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Nope, he doesn't know what I'm thinking. How could he?' But I knew that. I knew you were thinking that I didn't know what you were thi

The scattered Postman was sniffing envelopes again. Jim hated that.

I'd received a coupon for a free checkup down at the new clinic so I stopped by. "Any problems?" the Dr. asked. "Nope!" I said. "Well, let's do a full transfusion just to be safe."

Jamie Summers landed with a soft squelch upon the wombat. Thirty operations later it was reborn..better, faster, stronger - as the Bionic Wombat. Aided by its allies, Robopork &

The store owner was closing for the night. He went to lock the door, but when looked outside he dropped the keys and ran straight into the backroom without locking the door.

Everyone underestimates teenagers, who are by far the most creative people on earth. It's too bad really that they grow up to become adults. If teenagers could rule the world,

"Ok." "Raw, raw as raw." "Raw?" "Did you see my lips move? And hear sound come out of my face?" "Yeah." "I said raw!" "Ok, but dude, why are you so pissed?" "We ate it!" "So?"

Her decrepid tooth reminded him of their first kiss,& the moldering remains of a rose, of their first date. Surely She still loved him so he visited her grave & dug her up.

She had the eyes of Caligula & the mouth of M Monroe, according to Mitterand who was French & knew his horseflesh. On the day of the funeral, I boarded up my house & left on the

Full of charisma and charm, that's how the news described him. None the less, sweat beaded his brow as he stepped to the podium and the eyes of the crowd turned to him. "I am here

The master placed the food on the dog's nose and said, "Staaaaaaayyyyy." The dog's eyes went cross-eyed and he thought, this is the last straw and he