I divided my wife's parts into different bio-stasis tanks. Eyes in one. Brain in another. Legs in another. She gets so mad when I stroke her breasts as the bob in the fluid and don

Morgan Freeman looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. Morgan Freeman was Morgan Freeman but he was so lonely. He needed to find someone to love him.

A bizarre scene unfolded at the ER, as doctors rushed around a talking propeller. He began: "Well, i was facebooking, and then I hit the 'Become A Fan' button" he groaned.

OK, OK, OK....so there you were, just standin' on your porch, right? About 8 or so? And then...Jeez, lady, calm DOWN and tell us... What happened after the stars fell on Alabama?

Just a castaway, an island lost a see. Another lonely day with no one here but me. More loneliness than a man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair. I'll send an S.O.S.

It was an extra ordinary day. A day whose events would become infamous. Charles arrived at his office in Normal, Indiana to find that his suspicions

Well, I for one nominate that we flood this new Orwellian Cispanet with so much degenerate, offensive filth that it makes Tom Green blush & those thought-nazis consider a repeal.

The night that she finally lucidly dreamed was a strange one. After loading her mind with images of clouds, birds, and airplanes, hoping to fly, she fell asleep, only to be greeted

The pianist took a bow, but the audience wanted her to continue playing. They wanted an encore. Excited, the pianist returned to his piano. It was his time to shine. He began

Some feelings are so strong that you cannot put them into words. One of my memories of this type of feeling was when me and my best friend, Lilly, were hanging out in

The falling snow deadened all sound and made the silence softer. In the garden, a magpie swooped down and picked up a dead mouse the cat had left on the path. In my warm bed I lay

'I am the king of the world' he said placing a tin mug on his head and waving a dish rag. 'Aah, and I am Elvis Presley,' said the other inmate who started playing the air guitar.

What I actually wrote on the note to my crush was "Meet you on Saturdsday". Little did I know that she would

"Ommm..." The group wore hooded cloaks and stood in the corn field forming a circle with linked hands. They began chanting and fanned out knocking down corn plants in the form of a

Hi

Now, now Cindy. Please keep your helmet on. The world is full of opportunity for head trauma. When you graduate from college we'll glue a board and tassle to it and

I decided to put the lie to the "size doesn't matter" mantra once & for all & published "Penis size interacts with body shape and height to influence male attractiveness" in PNAS

"Excuse me Sir, may I take your coat? No. Miss Penelope sends her apologies she be not well. I'd glad t' see you have recovered from a bout o' scurvy. Are you expectin' any other

"POPULAR BURGER SHOP USES PAINTED BUNS" was written on the front page of the newspaper this morning.

"I ran so far away." He repeats to me quietly. "But where?" I once again inquire. He chuckles. "There." He points far behind me. "And dear, would you believe how glad I am?" I sigh