The 2014 Boston marathon was fixed.

Last night I found a picture from an old family photo album. It showed my family getting off the boat from Sweden to America 76 years ago, greeted by me. I was 13 when I found it.

There was a deaf in the family, but no one said anything about it.

I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guy who says "shenanigans"!

"IS THE skin between your fingers SAGGING? Do people MURMER about your INNIE-CREASES? We at SKINNY-Ds Plastic Emporium have a one-stop surgical solution.

He was a medieval slob on a skateboard. Paunchy. Balding. Long greasy hair at the sides. Sweatshirt. Cargo shorts. Hunchbacked. Smoking. Wide leather bracelet like

"One man's junk is another man's pacifier,"

Last week on "Sparky Pickles" ... :

Detective Manatee has finally returned. Away on sabbatical for a few months, he'd spent some nice time at a "spa" in Arizona, getting rid of a few demons. But duty called & he

Who would have thought that Yuru was capable of murder in cold blood! He looked away from the monitor, his eyes tired and sleepy after looking at a screen for 167 years.

Grandpa's newest invention was "Water proof coveralls" . The neat part was watching them fill up like a balloon every time Grandpa farted. Then his beard would fluff up when the

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" yelled Gandulf, "Unless you read The Simarillion in its entirity." As the new Denfence Against the Dark Arts professor, Harry thought he was a bit of a tool.

"Scrape some from the bottom for me. Get some of the peas" I rasped, surreptitiously sliding a cigarette into Cookies pocket. He scowled, glanced at

The manager wrapped the tape measure around my waist. "I'm afraid you're too skinny to be a mall Santa. Better luck next year." I knew I should've eaten more than a salad and

Once upon a time there was a pig.

Did I tell you about the time I drove to the Czech Republic with three friends? Well, I say three friends; one of them was my brother, one was a friend of my Dad's and the other

Once upon a time, there was a boy by the name of Sono. He was very platonic and lenient. Sono never wished to hurt anyone and always helped everyone. Sono also had a

"Unlike you, a bully- I'm a s u g a r pie h o n e y bunch."

Many years ago there lived an Emperor who desired a new black-blue dress,but when the tailor made it, he was furious:"WHY did you bring me a WHITE-GOLD dress? I specifically said

"The shortest distance between two idiots is but a few feet." Master Yang told his pupil. The student, Jimmy Cake, could totally see into that, as he continuously bumped into stup