Tomorrows scheduled work I will be absent picking bellybutton lint in my apartment. I spent all of my money on rent and my flint is old on my zippo cannot light my cigarillo so I

The whole family had agreed, so here he was lying on a beach chair Christmas eve watching the surf come in on the beach. "I miss snow" he said. Strangely a moment later a snowflake

"The city is full of trash, Mrs. Fletcher and I am the broom." John sneered at that busy-body from Cabot Cove.

"No, Jaspers did not write your name on the couch in sharpie. Come out of your room when you are ready to tell the truth." Closing the door, I looked at the dog. "We need to talk."

"Eh, look, I don't want to be rude, but I'm not much of a conversationalist, and I really want to finish this article, a friend of mine wrote it, so... " "Don't let me stand in you

He was a hippie. She was a pirate. It was never going to work but they tried anyway. This is the story of the star-crossed lovers who swashbuckled pot brownies and

The dark smoke was curling out of the crematorium tower again. That made four times this week. I pulled the blinds closed and put a kettle on to boil. My daughter's cough was worse

Judge Reinhold looked down his nose at the worthless sacks of excrement displayed before him in his courtroom. "In all my years of judging, never before have I wanted so badly to

At the hallway,on a tiny round table,a huge vase full of lilacs made her uneasy.Tamara was not the most graceful creature and with her luc, trying to walk by that set would prove

"Church, man! Church! I'm really go'in to church!" Germaine confidently asserted. Eric was in shock. REAL shock, "Seriously? Dude - what happened to you?" "I got religion. I'm

The buzzer rang. A man wearing odd headgear with multiple zoom lenses stood at the door. "Hi there. You've won a free mapping of your residence for google@home." "Wow, great!"

"That is not the type of proposal I am making at all!" After tracking down Jen all these years later, it was the last reaction he expected. "The Oath. You remember? Taylor died.

There are so many reasons for why he died, but none of the multitude can distract me from the cold and forever fact that he's been gone these many years. A childhood friend, lost,

"Arrr, me brethren, thank you for this congress. The Somalis have slashed our profits, and American drones have made commerce difficult. So could I interest you in some Tupperware

Chingy went outside and thought something was highly peculiar about the November aura.

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He walked over with a pint and a pernod & ice and sat down opposite. He'd already put some water in the pernod. She was surprised to see that he was sober.

"I think we should do what the Eskimos do. Just kick the old people out of the igloos. Leave them for the polar bears and the storm." "Um... Thanks for your input Jerry.

MAKE HIM STOP REPEATING (repeating) EVERY WORD I SAY! (I say...) I just about had enough with those two in the back, we were in the middle of Utah and our radiator was at boiling.

It was crowned the "Starbucks Crash" by the mob and the press. The incident was notorious and retold with sneers and grimaces and became synonymous with