La femme mystérieuse était sur la plage à Nice. Elle attendait le soleil....elle ne voulait plus vivre. Sans Jésus, son petit chien rose, sa vie était misérable

"Bring me the Baron alive, but do what you want to the rest," said Capt. Purplebeard from the crow's nest. The pirates cheered in unison. "Dress-up!" They forced pillagees to wear

By averaging the photos of 10s on 'Hot or Not,' I got an image of the perfect girl. I decided to do the same with 300 illustrations of Jesus.

"Hey, you!" I looked up. A guy on a Ferris Wheel was waving manically at me. "My name's John. We're gonna get married! And have a little dog called Ponce!" I gave him the thumbs up

There once was a transvestite from Nantucket, whose

"Am I a sexy pillow?"

El pendejo corrió por el pueblo gritando: "¡El lobo ha robado las ovejas" por última vez!" Lo metieron en la estacada. Todo el mundo sabía que el pueblo no tenía ovejas.

The moment I think I am carefree in this world the unbreakable bindings that keep me in this depression called reality remind me to carry on being me.

Never able. Walk streets. Tell lies. Hide faults. Pass lights. Be blinded. Seek distractions. Need escape. Feel women. Soft, vulnerable. Hear lies. Think dreams. Walk alone. Ever.

"For sale, baby shoes, never worn" read the slip of paper. Dammit, why were the higher ups obsessed with Hemingway references? Last time, his contact had been an old man on a

"And now, by the power of Grayskull, I pronounce you Masters of the Universe!" They kissed and a thunderbolt struck the ground where they stood. A chasm opened.

There was once a ghost. The ghost's name was Dennis. This ghost was highly curious, living in his barrel on the sidewalk. One day he saw a fedora-wearing squirrel and decided to

"You know why they have musk-mellons at weddings? because they CANTALOPE!" The bride rolled her eyes heaven-ward. Why did he pick HIM for the Best-Man, Why?

Reggies' boss liked to take potential customers for a round of golf to relax & help synch the deal, but when Reggie sent his ball into a sandtrap for the 3rd time, he got T'd off

"Welcome back to Pimp My Ride. Today, we're trickin' out the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. We're gonna take it from 'hot dog' to 'hot DAWG'." I watched in astonishment as the host

I went down the list. Amsterdam? Nope. Tangier? Nope. Nashville? Nope. All cities I had been banned from. My love of violent mutant girls and "trucker speed" had cost me

Maria moved to a town near Rio,up on a hill,where Pedro,Emperor of the Portuguese Kingdom and Brazil,used to spend his summers.Known as HydrangeasTown,Petropolis was to Maria an

I can count to potatoe!

She was listening to "Glee." It keeps her soul alive.

Long ago, they buried the terrible secret. Almost nothing remained of their cruel masters but a few skulls buried errantly many feet under. They were extinct, now ponies were free.