It was the Lölthing hour when Eonys and Plucys set together. Hoartig did the Grymbon fathow, and over the Kunicle did he Squabe. All the Bunglüs quiveled in their Hogyns as he came

"There is a great disturbance in the Borscht." said, Obi Von Kenslavski. He had traveled to Siberia in search of a young boy on the collective farm, known as sovkhozes

With global warming, the seasons accelerated to a one week cycle. Snow on Sunday, Swimming by Wednesday, and leaves falling Saturday.

Jodar felt lost, like tattered shadows in a blizzard. To find himself he knew he must leave the whirling infoclutter that formed the trivial fabric of his life. At 5:00 AM on a day

Gene Rayburn read the card with his perfect diction, "The skydiver was in a panic. When he pulled his ripcord, instead of a parachute, out came a BLANK"

"John Jacob Jinglemeyer Schmidt... His name is my name too..." woke him from a fitful dream. It didn't help that his name was John Jacob Jinglemeyer Schmidt. John opened the window

Richard Brandly Jr. barhopped for the last 3 years. He'd visited the Icebar in Yukkasyarvi, the Faraday in Antarctica, the Baobab Tree Bar in South Africa, but his next destination

I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I mean A LOT. Like a literal crap-ton. Do you even know how much that is? That's enough to distend an ox stomach three levels past engorgement

"Hahaha." laughed Slorbnx. "How in the Four Drinplngs is that supposed to work? A planet orbiting one sun with a dark period? Dream on Notwen!" Notwen's antennae retracted glumly.

I opened the valentine. Inside were 4 plastic corn cob holders and a card that read: "I want to kiss you behind the ears." That's it. Nothing else. And it wasn't signed.

Vlastomil Keithley cringed when his early paintings came up for auction. Even worse, someone was curating a retrospective of Vlastomil's "Huffy" and "Lame" period paintings. Psych

"I'm sorry, sir, but all of you need to die except one." Jack was shocked. "Look, it's great that cheap nanoreps let you visit all your global friends, but Earth is overheating and

Even at that late hour, Amanda's eyes burned like death suns as William returned to bed. "Do you always have to 'pad across the floor' on the way to the bathroom? Couldn't you just

It is harmful because enlightened, good, and honest people by entering the ranks of the government give it a moral authority which but for them it would not possess...

Beware my son, the Rainbow pirates. Looking like mostly harmless later day hippies who want to save the world, they've been known to enter armed vessels with shaming banners

Bruce and Clark flew out to the west coast to have brunch with Godzilla. After some awkward pleasantries, Bruce confided, "We know what it's like to be alone in the world." The

Hi, my name is Ciaran and I'm a monk in a medieval monastery called Clonmacnoise....

Rick was a bundle of organs with a name. As a "human," he'd reached the hightest plane of existence by having rights and a dead-end 9-to-5 job. Lesser animals would kill for Rick's

Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and 14 others will receive

Her maths was not great, but she knew that if 12 muffins were executed in the oven, 12 dead muffins should be available to depose of. But there were only 11. Raspberry-blood was