Feeling challenged to begin a story that doesn't contain the "p word" I transport you to a planet inhabited only a species of sentient vegetatively propagating flatworms: Flatland.

The butterfly landed on the flower, it's wings threatening to sail away in the wind. But the ant, in the stamen looked up and said something really harsh. "Is it true that

Although euros have a light hint of cresote, nothing can compare to the smoky aroma of a burning hundred dollar billl.

Abruptly,the onomatopoeia rolled off his feral tongue and he kept mooing to the girl sitting on the steps to the brick town house,as she smiled most condescentingly.

Mother always said "Don't play with your food" but this is a matter of life & death. But to complete the magic I need a ripe mango. Where in this carnage will I find exotic fruit?

Twas the night before the birthing, and all through the tent, nothing was stirring, not even 50cent. 50Cent was 2busy mixing martinis 2worry about the c section happening 1 tent ov

I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than

"I'm lonely." he lamented in desperation. "I'm missing people in my life. I need someone." He turned to face me. I could only stare at him, speechless. He turned towards the window

Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. Womp. went the big ghastly

Hurry! Wrap the coffin with blood soaked string! Quickly! light sage incense! and now for the sticky rice! INSTANT?

The girl on the radio sang, "He has South Dakota arms," and I have no idea what that could possibly mean. Why not North Dakota arms? Are his arms on the Mt. Rushmore of arms? Help!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to dis a brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese. Everybody's lookin' for stilton.

I was distracted by the unpeeled orange on the counter. I thought, who would leave an orange unpeeled like this? What kind of monster? What kind of sick, twisted, evil, wicked

It was the summer of July, 1986. That's where it all began.

I'm not sure anyone was really surprised the day I screamed some pretty colorful new curse words at my boss, quit my job, and ran off to join the circus.

As I sat there with the dessert menu I thought back to that summer day I'd made myself sick eating the whole bucket of blueberries and the folks at the church picnic never got

So it's come to this? Ok, hand me the twinkie.

When I had nearly recovered, I found my way to the bridge, where Captain Nemo was navigating by organ music. He turned stiffly. "Ça va? The Fourier Transform doesn't always produce

No-one can understand my situation. No-one can help. No-one can break through the walls of darkness. Right, now that's out of the way, down to business. There has been a breach in

I'm Alice. Leaving in an inn. An abandonned inn, full of doors. Which one is the wright? What if I opoen the wrong door? The green one catches my eye. I go through it and a big rat