Don't sugar coat it. Take out the fart spray and goose this turnip good. I'm tired of everyone blaming the fat guy for unowned odors. This time I will strike, and strike hard until

"Arrrrr me matey, I be Captain John D. Pussinfeathers and I'll be your guide on these troubled waters. ARRRR." Jesus, Bob thought, was this tour really going to be 2 hours?

This year our teacher fell out of his desk

Sally the oral street walker was also an entrepreneur! She hated the taste of condoms so she invented her own, they were pink and peppermint flavored. She called them Condom-mints

I looked up at the stars and sighed. It's nothing but a memory now and I should stop dwelling on the past.

It was surprisingly bland, I thought as I took my first tentative bite of human flesh. Steve had breathed his last only a week ago, but it seemed like he'd been gone forever.

The Toddler was pure evil. He would take two things and smash them together just to see what would happen. He once pinched his father quite hard and showed no remorse at all.

I’m not a big fan of Orson Scott Card’s writing as I found Ender’s Game to be more Heinlein wannabe than a solid read.

The incessant ticking of the hospital clock was maddening. Especially because the second hand would sometimes have a slight hitch, likely due to a dying battery. Craig could take

It came down in a clash and then...BOOM!And just like that his favorite toy was crushed and Jonah was running across the yard to check the damage.He called out for his dad when the

"Die, monster!", Richter yelled. "You don't belong in this world!" Dracula didn't move an unnecessary muscle while saying, "It was not by my hands that I am once again given flesh"

Nola charged 2 bits per kiss, with all the money going to Charity. Charity was her pimp. The two had met in Bible College, and it wasn't long before Nola was leaning against a pew,

She was unsure of her date and even more unsure about being outside, so she peed on his heated leather seats and waited while it cured in, insurance against future dates.

and then my dad said that we were going to Miami for the weekend and that's when I called Tiffany and found out that

" God save our souls!", to that I said " I am the son of the devil and I am here to do the devil's work". I shot him in the face twice, it felt like

He throw his last bullet to air. He can't see a friend from the bunker. But he can hear footsteps.

She sat down and cracked her fingers. Their tips fell silently, gently over the keys. She could hear the music before she ever began to play. Her fingers arched, and attacked

Once upon a time, I had a roommate named Sol, and he had a behemoth trousersnake. I was no twink, I never wanted to see it, but that was never my choice to make. One night, he

Arianna stayed in one corner as she cried the whole afternoon. Her heart was crushed into a million pieces. He was gone and he would never come back.

Family gatherings were always a nasty business but at Uncle Ed's Wake was worse. We were sitting at the dining room table quarreling when someone started playing footsie with me