The first item in his inbox was another rejection from the New Yorker. They had no interest in his zombie stories, zombie cartoons, or zombie theater reviews. The next message

When they kissed, it was like every sound and person in the room was fading away. Her mouth was sweet and open and everything he ever dreamed of. He wanted her to be his alone.

Through the rotting jungle, we happened upon an old French plantation. They invited us in and offered the last of the vintage wine. "We have been here for years," the owner said.

Blood clung thick on the walls of the small room like a double coat of paint, filling the air with a cloying smell that burned the nostrils. I couldn't believe what I'd just done.

They were the first snowflakes since last spring. The sight of this first sign of winter momentarily distracted her racing thoughts

I walked in, only to find what I expected, but wanted to avoid. "Charlie!" I yelled, rushing to his body. He had lost a lot of blood, and I knew he wasn't going to make it.

"How could she forget I was allergic to shellfish?" I thought- face swollen by the poisonous hors d'œuvres. "Is she TRYING to kill me?" And that's when I felt something poking

And that's when it hit me- "All of these statues have penises...except this one!" I went over there to examine it more closely.

She pulled at the chains but they were held fast. She didn't know how long she had been held captive in this dungeon.

"OMG, look at Ben's cute butt!" Gianna texted her BFF Destiny 5 feet away from her and 11 feet from the 17yo male walking past the Claire's mall store where the girls worked.

The insane pastry chef slapped his bow-legged assistant. "What took you so long?" He grabbed the apple-fritter and set inside the Beast's chest. It was a doughnut Frankenstein

THE ISLAND

one day i had a water fight with some kids.....no one is a match for my kettle

Perry White settled in at his desk at the Daily Planet and poured himself a stiff bourbon -- three fingers, no ice. He thought about how he had pimped out Lois to get the story of

"Honey, did you put anthrax in my pancakes?" I scraped them into the trashcan, her guilty stare confirming my suspicions. "That's the third time this week, dear. What's wrong?"

Due to cuts in educational funding, the board has narrowed the periodic table to the four basic elements of earth, air, fire and water. Some other changes we wil implement are

Except for his wrist watch, he was naked in the Bellagio fountains. He was sitting on one of the water canons counting the seconds until the next show. What he didn't realize was

Before me on the desk was a rotary phone, an ink blotter, a rolodex and some carbon paper. Beads of sweat soaked my sun-burned pate. "Dammit! How do I work these things?"

When she moved into her latest apartment, she found a light switch in the kitchen which didn't seem to be connected to anything. Every so often, she would flip it. After two weeks,

Sadie cried. Soft, small tears fell onto her arm warming the skin. She never cried for long, only out of necessity.