Every time I turned it off was a chance for it to die peacefully, only to be revived again by the jagged jaws of my father’s jumper cables.

"This bloody time-tracking software." Kirt violently lashed out with his foot at the computer tower sitting next to him. "It's lost all my entries again." His company had always

His voyeuristic adventure began with remote-controlled minhelicopters with built-in camera but really took off when he sent a minisub through the plumping of the Apartment complex.

In a little known foray in avionics Orville Redenbacher developed a fuselage fueled with unpopped popcorn. On the maiden flight of the Popoville Flyer

It had been a long, tiring day. Unfortunately I lied awake in bed, unable to decide if my insomnia was due to my erection or devastating chicken-nugget farts that choked the air.

I almost always get a little teary eyed at moments of greatness. Whether I’m reading something that is particularly well done, or reading the story of something great, I usually

"You're not going out looking like that," she told her husband. He assessed his appearance: yellow duckie inner tube, clown shoes, bermuda jumpsuit, and

By the time my car came to a rest in front of the station, I was so enthralled in my daydream that I didn’t notice myself turning the ignition into the off position. I almost

It was such a cold winter day and mom still made me go outside and

There was once a giant t-rex that liked to eat everyone and everything! His name was ILjaijfskldn... or just "Oh crap there he is!" for short. He was absolutely terrifying and stuf

Michelle said, "You have no idea." And Biden smiled. His eyes had pain in them too. And she knew he knew. Maybe they were both high, but they were also orphans of power.

So here it is 7:48 in the morning. I just took a swig of oj and apparently my fridge broke last night. It was hot and tasted like sweaty ass. Geez I wonder what the rest of the day

A man is whatever room he's in.

Julie had just taken a sip of kool-aid when she happened to look down and discover a large, black roach floating against the edge of the glass. It's little legs scurrying.

He'd opened the netflix envelop in excitement. After four weeks of staring that movie sleeve, he mailed it back without even watching the movie because

By the time the officer made it to the window, she’d climbed over me and I’d slid under. She took my baseball cap and I took her black Ray-bans. That was usually sufficient

I started to write this yesterday and finished it up today. But in between then and now I can't remember what it was I wanted to say. I'l reread it tomorrow and to see if it comes

He formed his pencils into a square on his desk, then extended three from the corners & used two more to form a cube. The final answer was blank. "Make a cube with pencil." Eat me.

How many times had he told himself not to do this, stupid jungle operations always left him in a bad mood. As he pushed the brush out of the way, he was finally there. Time to

the elven warriors had painted their six-legged Girhinodomes with streaks of gold and purple paint. The beast's mains were translucent showing green blood pumping