By the time the officer made it to the window,

By the time the officer made it to the window, she’d climbed over me and I’d slid under. She took my baseball cap and I took her black Ray-bans. That was usually sufficient

to charm our way out of a ticket. As the officer leaned in we recognized our rotten luck: it was a woman officer. How was I and Shelly going to dodge the ticket for

crying out loud. So, Shelly did her best to pinch her nipples and claim that milk would spray everywhere if she let go. Surely they would understand this dilemma, wouldn't they?

No they wouldn't. The pirates slapped her hands away from her nipples. The bearded fiends suckled like her jugs were jugs of rum. There was no food in the survival boat so

"Put out or Get out". She looked and could see shark fins piercing the water. She new it was now or never. She decided to fight. then noticed a HUGE erection. "o.k" If you insist

with the ultimatums, I'm outta here." She lunged from the boat, jumping the shark, and deftly grabbed the steel girder from the newly-erected bridge spanning the waterway. She then

was caught when that selfsame shark leaped from the water in a perfect arc and pulled her off the girder and into the murky blue. She was losing a lot of blood, but she could swear

underwater?! How was that possible? Looking through the blood-stained water, she realized her remaining limbs were morphing, adding webbing. Was she really a mermaid? A quick

marlin swam by, stating that she was actually a duck. "I can't be a duck," she exclaimed, "ducks can't breathe!" "That's right" he replied. She tried to argue, but drowned instead.

"So, that's pretty much it officer. The duck drowned herself." "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" "And why is your body so, so plump, so seal-like?" "I want a lawyer."