I wouldn’t kill a pregnant woman or a kid and he was asking me to do both, never mind his double negative. It was a definite weak spot on my “bad motherfucker” resume.

Polatitions are rubbish because....

I was sitting on my front porch sipping a glass of lemonade when a large group of muscular, hairy, men came over the horizon. Without thinking I grabbed my gun. The horde was back.

The football team had lost another one. 0 and 11. Everyone hung their helmeted heads and got on the bus. Lumpy the couch just shook his head. The fat kid in the back yelled

Tis a bad start to your day when even your own demons refuse to speak to you. Seriously, what an attitude these lost souls have! Spawn of hell my ass! They're like spoiled emo

"Who the hell wears a fedora in church?" she said. "Does he think we're going to encounter a sword wielding Arabian Nazi sympathizer in Bethesda?" I jumped up and donned my turban

One , cold, creepy night a girl was walking around her town after a row with her parents, salty tears run down her face while she walks around alone

As a manager, one of my most essential tasks is to identify strengths and weakness, and delegate tasks to each of you. After much consideration, I now choose YOU for the dying.

Just because there's snow on the roof; doesn't mean there's not a

They squared up to each other. Everyone was shouting. They were breathing deeply, glaring harshly into one anothers eyes. Walkie talkies were cracklng with distress.

A John Kerry Vietnam vet, his sentiments on war can be summarized by the following: “Killing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity.” That probably seems crass, but it’s on his

"BWWRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFF!" Three and a half hours of holiday cheer ended in 2 seconds and all over my mom's linoleum kitchen floor. It was pitch black and way past midnight.

The kitchen smelled like India, or at least what I hoped India smells like. "Is that butter chicken?" he asked with a twinge of hunger in his voice.

DeLorean. Phone booth. Hot tub... those have all been done before. I was determined to create a time machine to trump all others.

You cannot control me. I can still move my lips. So long as I can lip sync you can't own my soul. I'll just lay here and sing "This Magic Moment," and let the tears run

Until a year ago he owned his father’s pawn shop but left it to deal in anything-you-want from a shop with no address. I saw him walk behind the police car and light

She stood at the top of the stairs. A robot got her fat brother a drink. Her husband stood there in his stupid italian jacket and cabbie hat. He was too old for all this crap and

Her smiled infected her mother as she ran to hug her. It seemed like forever since she'd been held, & her mother held her the best. Why had it taken her so long to live to the end?

The afternoon of the late night luncheon was a farce. My aunt drove into the rose bushes and said the cheese was old and the pasta was sleek and sexy, she then grabbed

She looked over and smiled. These kinds of tricks were the reason why she came. Jim was the kind of guy that would find a way to deliver perfection in any circumstance. Tonight,