They keep making the TV's sexier, smarter and prettier. Well, I've fallen deeply, madly in love with my Flatscreen. I know how to turn it on, it shows me things that I

They watched in utter shock as mother's took their toddler daughters wrapped them in glimmering cloth and placed them in all their pageantry in the box only to come out as pre-teen

Once upon a time lived a princess and her pet dog.

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

I used to see people on the streets fingering their belly button. I tried it, but i got my finger stuck.

"So you see pumpkin spice has over-saturated the holiday market. We need a new flavor that is bold ... and yet traditional." One exec piped up, "How 'bout ... gravy?" "YES!"

With the return of magic, my Latin knowledge proved useful - my heady command of the subjunctive and result clauses allowed me to conjure with facility. I quickly rose in the

Hi. My name is tucker. I'm

"In light of the untimely death of Horace the Housefly, we need to pick a new mascot." The school board surveyed their surroundings. "How about The Gazebos?" "No, we should be The

My kindergartener has an upcoming science fair and I can't decide whether she should dissect C. elegans embryos or develop a GIS-based habitat model for Sceloporus graciosus.

Thanks to an initiative to prevent any misunderstanding from happening ever, a speed reading limit of 250 words per minute was enacted. Drunk reading was now very illegal, as was

Once upon a time, in a far away land known has The Hills, lived a little grotesque girl known as Shame. She was about the age of 6 and was terribly clumsy. She lived in the forest

The great egg sat in the corner of the living room. It was a purple ovoid the height of a Croatian villager, dusted with green speckles the size of Olympic silver medals. Brooding

"Put it down there on the table, please. I'm feeling so tired, so very very tired you see. You're so kind but I really must sleep now. So tired.

It's late. I'm tired. The only thing I want is to sleep. But the baby is crying and my wife is too sick to sooth him. I drink to numb the pain. I could just end it all. It would be

Fold me once, shame on you. Fold me twice,

'Why DO birds suddenly appear every time ev'ry time you are near?' I dared to ask out loud. She shrugged and continued munching on her muesli. That's when I decided I hated her.

Just for fun I ordered the liver with fava beans special, paired, of course, with a nice chianti. It was surprisingly good - well, good for liver - and I decided to follow it up

Emilia knelt at the church. "Oh Christ! Save me from my sins!" she cried. "I took one too many free samples at the meatball shop and now I'm banned!" "Hmm. That is pretty serious.

I hopped into 1984. "I'm from the future!" They were skeptical. "Oh really? What's the next big movie?" "The Great Gatsby in 3D with rap music!" I piped. "Oh, gag me with a spoon."