'Why DO birds suddenly appear every time

'Why DO birds suddenly appear every time ev'ry time you are near?' I dared to ask out loud. She shrugged and continued munching on her muesli. That's when I decided I hated her.

But she longed to be close to me, an avid duck hunter. Yes, I hated her & how she had no consideration for me as she crunched noisily on her muesli, but when flocks of ducks began

swarming around us I reconsidered. They came for her sweet songs & coconut-infused granola. Then I blasted 'em out of the sky with my 12-gauge. We feasted on duck a l'orange, duck

ing under the awning of our gorgeous silk marquee I noted an absence. No quacking. The sky was empty. My eyes swept over the duckless landscape. Surely I hadn't shot them all?

The surviving ducks had gone off the grid, planning survival and plotting revenge. They made a pact with the local deers, pheasants, boars and turkeys and the first order of busine

ss was to set up a perimeter to draw the hunters. White tail deer and pheasants would draw them into the kill zone to be ravaged by bears and wolves. The duck militia planned to

attack the humans because they would be sitting ducks. Then a legion of beavers would eagerly launch their attack on the humans' flank while the Stags would sound the horns

And hold parties at the Silver Stallion. There they ordered horsemeat, grilled and sauteed in mushrooms and onions. It was so good they returned weekly. The humans were jealous and

told some reckless reporter that they had whistled at them in the elevator and suddenly there was a riot across the whole planet. There was even shooting between the ISS and the mo

nestaries that had never even seen automatic weapons before, hence why most of the monks just threw them towards any poor stranger that came by. The monks didn't survive very long.