Letter openers are just so boring. Especially the one I got as a St. Patty's Day gift. My uncle was cool like that; giving gifts on random holidays. Sadly he missed the mark with

Thirty-five pizza box were stacked near the five years of newspapers and the egg cartons organized by color, farm and manufacturer. When Estell found Amazon Fresh, it was the last

Sorry. I'm late - I was busy being groped at the airport. I gotta tell you, that's the first time I let another guy touch my junk when I couldn't blame it on too many beers.

They don't know that I'm watching them. I see everything they do. And I can hear everything they say. I've been spying on them since

The open road beckoned, as it always did this time of year. Long silver ribbons of open highway curved like the small of her back, beckoning a soft touch, a lingering glance.

What not to name a chid: 1) Gertrude, 2) Princess Boo Boo, 3) North West, 4) Apple, 5) Maxi, 6) Hashtag, 7) Female, 8) Oranjello & Lemonjello (twins), 9) Havoc, 10) Ikea, 11) Shad

I was in my room reading manga, Naruto and than as i was reading i saw that the character was coming out of the book. I was scared. I took out my fake shuriken and target his face

Married 40 years. How had the time gone by so fast. I looked in the mirror this morning and was scared by the old person looking back at me. Who in the hell is that. What happened

As he lay on his hospice bed, death fast approaching. A religious councilor came to try and comfort him. She spoke for a while and he said "Hush! God can wait. Paul Harveys on."

Andrei Jeromesh was tired of being incarnate, of walking down rain-wet carbonate alleys where there might be doors but no safe havens, of pattern-scattering laserbots, of NPCs who

Leaving early on Friday afternoon....

There once was an elf who didn't know her name. She asked the witch, the goblins and the dwarves. No-one could help her. A unicorn told her she should search in the hills around

He took up the challenge again. Having forgotten what that was, he turned to his second and only found a third rail. He persevered and drew lots for weapons. The challenger drew pi

I grabbed the peppermint gold from my dresser drawer and dashed back down the steps, skipping the last few and flying out the door with as much agility as an acrobat dismounting a

I wrote the final loop of the code. Nothing to do now but wait until the Reality Forge processed the incantation into a new world. This was my best yet. Filled with

OK what are you doing?

He didn't get up to give her the seat. Screw her. Screw her and her inability to control her stomach. She used to be hot but now she was a pig. Well, he no longer had to be

"Binto Taco's, come get your Binto Tacos with Hamburger Gravy and Home Fry's" Miago shouted. Damn I thought selling Fried left over Sushi on Taco's would be easier. Thank God

If I was an omnipotent entity, having an extensive command over time and space, the first thing I would do would be

The kitchen smelled like India, or at least what I hoped India smells like. "Is that butter chicken?" he asked with a twinge of hunger in his voice.