twas the night before Christmas? no no just kidding twas the night before valentines day

I hated my football coaches. All of them. They were losers. Well, we lost every game, but they took no ownership in the losses. Every single one of them blamed us.

I'd invited the regulars, Bob who brews Nutbrowns, Sam, the Pilsnerking, & Sally, the Amber-lady. The burgers were on the grill when I popped the unmarked bottle of Obama Honey Ale

The end of the world was approaching us so quickly, I could almost hear the screams of agony growing closer each day. It was only just recently that I discovered the screams were

I peed in the pool. Shame enveloped me like sick jacuzzi jets. When Jason came up for air, I could see a little water got in his mouth and

OPO agents stormed the church. "The late Pastor Joe Saltarelli was a registered organ donor," said their captain. "Your church organ will serve another congregation well." Hacksaws

I find myself laying upon the dusty remnants of what was once mine. I can feel the quakes of an incoming C5 Space Cruiser as it prepares to refuel before final combustion. I was

I'd finally arrived in the city of hallucinogenic mushrooms sold in shops that resembled supermarkets in a strange kind of way , of coffeeshops where coffee was never the main item

The stroke had destroyed Sherlock Holmes's short and long term memory. His analysis was impeccable but he could never remember it. In fact he couldn't remember when

Then Adam said, "Wait a minute. If we had no knowledge of good and evil, then how could we have known that disobeying God was wrong?" God had to think about that. What he needed

Elliot was always unlucky at school. Not 'bad' luck, just 'unfortunate' luck. Take this morning for instance, a pigeon had artistically decorated his sports bag with it's

Grandpa's newest invention was "Water proof coveralls" . The neat part was watching them fill up like a balloon every time Grandpa farted. Then his beard would fluff up when the

Within the depths of the ocean on the sea board floor is where it sat. Guarded by skeletons once riddled with scabies and Black Plague, it is said to be the

"Did you hear the one..." and off he went telling me again for the third time the joke about the pastor who played sick on a Sunday and golfed his best game. Punch line, "and God

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I have corn, and what my lousy child was like.

"Mother, when are our cousins expected to arrive?"

Big Foot and the Yeti walk into a bar. They sit down in a dark corner. They order two gimlets. They take in the scene. Some hot young debutantes sit down with them. That's when

There is that one thing that everyone knows you just never do, no matter the situation. What Mike was about to do was one of those things that you never, ever do.

The office was shocked when the vice president of pizza college gave her 3 weeks notice today. The statistician started to cry, because her awesomeness is 100% irreplaceable.

They had a paradise but they lost it. They wasted their love and spent their happiness on useless worries.