The Hippie-ish Hick swallowed his pisswater beer and smiled, "Life is a flat circle."

I'm a satellite scavenger, a dangerous occupation. Governments & corporations don't like their technological secrets getting out. You have to b e quick. I'd narrowed the impact

Pizza. Ausgerechnet Pizza. Keine Banane. Nein. Auf einem Stück seiner Leib- und Magenspeise musste er ausrutschen. Heilige Scheiße! Welcher Honk hatte die denn fallen lassen?

Why do I hate Bono he wondered.

"Your Honor, My client is innocent of the charges filed. He was in a car accident and lost his left arm. The arm donor was a notorious shoplifter so you see he couldn't help it."

Maid Marion decided that she was not a liberated woman after all. In fact, the recent feminist dialogue had deprived her of the choice of being a stay at home mom. So she went

A scarecrow, a lion, and a tin woodsman walk into a bar. The tin woodsman orders a pint of oil, the scarecrow asks for a haymaker, and the lion requests a

"I've done it!" he exclaimed, raising the turkey baster in triumph. "I've extracted pure beige." An air of excitement filled the lab as his TA embraced him. But Crayola's lawyers

My upstairs neighbors were at it again. I tried to tune them out but found myself tapping my foot to the rhythmic creak of old floorboards and mattress springs. Their moaning grew

"Hey man, wanna call a truce?" he asked me. We were back-to, pistols in hand. "Sure thing," I said. But I still planned to take my three steps and blast him. When I turned around

"I'm doing it for the kids!" then she barfed all over my Fendi sunglasses. She looked up and saw pretty Malibu mountains.

BREAKING NEWS: Cindy Shaffer just stepped out wearing pinstriped black pants, with a bright red top, and the absolute shocker was the chunky faux turquoise pendant around her neck.

The hibernation genie started the backwards lullaby. Commander Antpi relaxed. There was a long journey ahead of him through the Isolar Solar Tunnel and he needed

One day, God farted. And celebrities were born.

The dictator bequethed his right-hand man the oil fields to the North and his armored tank division. Unknown to the dictator, his right-hand man was the leader of the resistance.

Shalomar. Shalomar. Shalomar." The shadows on the wall quivered. They had come again tonight. I can feel them. They always come on a

Up. Down. Up. Down. The twisted game of gravity. The cruel litany of man after man at the gallows. Up. Down.

Think about being alone with a horny retarded teenager that can swim 60 MPH. That's what it's like being a dolphin trainer.

The Martians looked upon Earth with despair. Were solar flares and too much humidity the cause of so many earthly contretemps? The Obsidian Galak

I’m not a one-of-a-kind. According to the stamp on my birth certificate, I’m a “Limited Edition '94 Bob Vantz”. The other 19 Bob Vantz’s that were produced are scattered throughout