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  • 53
    Avatar
    As the brilliant morning sun adds specks of gold to my eyes I speak. The thought that becomes sound somehow becomes reality. Serenity overwhelms, these gold specked eyes are bliss.
    Finished
    2013-08-07 22:09:49
    Took
    1 year, 18 days, 12 hours, 11 minutes, 45 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    I am a beetle.
    Finished
    2015-03-15 18:55:03
    Took
    2 years, 228 days, 22 hours, 1 second
  • 53
    Avatar
    Their potato proved that there was no such thing as alien life on other planets. The philosopher and the President explained all the complicated details as to why, beginning at
    Finished
    2014-02-02 22:19:34
    Took
    1 year, 181 days, 18 hours, 16 minutes, 59 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    "No" means "No" and "Yes" means "No". Any questions? The law states that if you ask questions, you will be imprisoned. Also, failure to ask questions shows lack of participation!
    Finished
    2017-11-14 14:33:00
    Took
    5 years, 102 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes, 55 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    I slew a dragon. But the policeman didn't believe me. He finished handcuffing me and slammed me into the back of the police van. "This one is crazy!" said one of the officers.
    Finished
    2012-08-31 09:02:09
    Took
    18 days, 6 hours, 6 minutes, 36 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    A man walked into a bar one day...
    Finished
    2012-12-25 19:15:17
    Took
    126 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes, 28 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    You dont perplex cerebral cortexes of both sexes. You just drive a Lexus and flex your pecs at ladies and gents. But thats only my two cents. My opinion wont leave a dent. Only if
    Finished
    2018-02-08 00:08:47
    Took
    5 years, 166 days, 16 hours, 28 minutes, 26 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    Frank had built an empire on two simple principals: Good speling and proper use of grammar. Unfortunately, it looks like I is not one of his pupils.
    Finished
    2013-03-13 12:01:23
    Took
    189 days, 6 hours, 49 minutes
  • 53
    Avatar
    "Let me be the interior decorator of your heart". It came from a cage with a parrot. He was owned by a Lady's man. He learned all the guys successful openers. I bought the parrot
    Finished
    2014-11-19 23:11:55
    Took
    2 years, 75 days, 14 hours, 48 minutes, 57 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    "Qu'est-ce que c'est?" he said into the microphone at the drive-thru. With a perfect Parisian accent, one of the requirements for the job. The box squawked in response
    Finished
    2015-07-15 09:28:49
    Took
    2 years, 296 days, 11 hours, 21 minutes, 51 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar.
    Finished
    2012-12-17 23:19:49
    Took
    38 days, 21 hours, 24 minutes, 15 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    Nom nom nom nom nom. The giant sloth munched on the pile of Reece's cups. He turned his head, threw up, and then began eating more. Oh, why was he so fat, he wondered.
    Finished
    2013-11-23 06:15:20
    Took
    350 days, 14 hours, 54 minutes, 29 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    "Keep left. Arriving at jail," said the GPS. The jewel thief wasn't falling for that one again. He stuffed his stash in the glove box and navigated the city by memory. Jaywalkers
    Finished
    2016-08-28 07:34:37
    Took
    3 years, 261 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes, 13 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    Frank and Mary Johnson felt shut down, moving through dark water after the school massacre, but when the reporters showed up, they loaded their shotguns on principle, and not one r
    Finished
    2018-04-10 17:15:19
    Took
    5 years, 115 days, 20 hours, 22 minutes, 45 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    It was 4:19pm on April 20th. We'd road-tripped all the way from Portland, Maine to Weed, California & felt as if we'd been preparing our entire lives for what was about to unfold.
    Finished
    2015-02-13 22:18:19
    Took
    2 years, 32 days, 21 hours, 53 minutes
  • 53
    Avatar
    "HADOKEN!" shouted Ryu. "You're losing it" said Ken. "You had it in the 90's..now you sound like your hearts not in it dude. You need to raise your game or they'll replace you."
    Finished
    2013-07-11 06:22:03
    Took
    172 days, 7 hours, 46 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    The purple doubloon hit me in the eye. MAN, I love Mardi Gras! All dat Cajun food, nekkid folk everywhere & the drinkin'! Only ting: Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day.
    Finished
    2013-04-16 12:57:31
    Took
    71 days, 16 hours, 49 minutes
  • 53
    Avatar
    Would chocolate be enough to bribe the border control police into letting me cross into Canada?? I had left my passport and ID in my wallet! And God only knew where I had left
    Finished
    2014-05-30 07:39:56
    Took
    1 year, 111 days, 4 hours, 17 minutes, 8 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    Bertie wore a cool party hat to the occasion but when he got there, he noticed everyone was just staring at him. "Jumping Spiders Gone Wild" would be his downfall, especially now
    Finished
    2017-09-02 12:19:32
    Took
    4 years, 199 days, 7 hours, 24 minutes, 52 seconds
  • 53
    Avatar
    I said GO AWAY. No, wait...stop. Turn around. Come back. No wait... Just go on, leave. Yes, I mean it. Right now. No wait...stop. Turn around. Come back. Yes, I mean it.
    Finished
    2014-06-13 00:11:56
    Took
    1 year, 116 days, 5 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds
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