As the brilliant morning sun adds specks of gold to my eyes I speak. The thought that becomes sound somehow becomes reality. Serenity overwhelms, these gold specked eyes are bliss.

I am a beetle.

Their potato proved that there was no such thing as alien life on other planets. The philosopher and the President explained all the complicated details as to why, beginning at

"No" means "No" and "Yes" means "No". Any questions? The law states that if you ask questions, you will be imprisoned. Also, failure to ask questions shows lack of participation!

I slew a dragon. But the policeman didn't believe me. He finished handcuffing me and slammed me into the back of the police van. "This one is crazy!" said one of the officers.

A man walked into a bar one day...

You dont perplex cerebral cortexes of both sexes. You just drive a Lexus and flex your pecs at ladies and gents. But thats only my two cents. My opinion wont leave a dent. Only if

Frank had built an empire on two simple principals: Good speling and proper use of grammar. Unfortunately, it looks like I is not one of his pupils.

"Let me be the interior decorator of your heart". It came from a cage with a parrot. He was owned by a Lady's man. He learned all the guys successful openers. I bought the parrot

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" he said into the microphone at the drive-thru. With a perfect Parisian accent, one of the requirements for the job. The box squawked in response

Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar. Backspace. Spacebar.

Nom nom nom nom nom. The giant sloth munched on the pile of Reece's cups. He turned his head, threw up, and then began eating more. Oh, why was he so fat, he wondered.

"Keep left. Arriving at jail," said the GPS. The jewel thief wasn't falling for that one again. He stuffed his stash in the glove box and navigated the city by memory. Jaywalkers

Frank and Mary Johnson felt shut down, moving through dark water after the school massacre, but when the reporters showed up, they loaded their shotguns on principle, and not one r

It was 4:19pm on April 20th. We'd road-tripped all the way from Portland, Maine to Weed, California & felt as if we'd been preparing our entire lives for what was about to unfold.

"HADOKEN!" shouted Ryu. "You're losing it" said Ken. "You had it in the 90's..now you sound like your hearts not in it dude. You need to raise your game or they'll replace you."

The purple doubloon hit me in the eye. MAN, I love Mardi Gras! All dat Cajun food, nekkid folk everywhere & the drinkin'! Only ting: Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day.

Would chocolate be enough to bribe the border control police into letting me cross into Canada?? I had left my passport and ID in my wallet! And God only knew where I had left

Bertie wore a cool party hat to the occasion but when he got there, he noticed everyone was just staring at him. "Jumping Spiders Gone Wild" would be his downfall, especially now

I said GO AWAY. No, wait...stop. Turn around. Come back. No wait... Just go on, leave. Yes, I mean it. Right now. No wait...stop. Turn around. Come back. Yes, I mean it.