Katie strode into the room, curls flying around her plump ruddy cheeks, her wild eyes wide with passion. "I want that Bircher muesli," she declared. "and I want it now". Dee paused

if i had a million dollars

Whatever you do, don't crack up. Just try to hold it together until we both calm down enough to

Lucinda Blackwell left her husband where she first met him -- in a dumpster on Harbor Street. A few days later, a couple of detectives came calling and asked some tough questions,

Yo

I couldn't remember. I knew I'd cleared my history, but what about my cache? They couldn't bust you for cookies could they?

He slept in a sleeping bag mounted to the wall. His alarm went off at random times.He drank tang & ate freeze-dried donuts. It was all part of his regimen. He'd applied to NASA's

He sat there, having been done with his business for a few minutes. The baby was crying in the hall and he needed to get to that, but damnit, this was his quality time. Being alone

The 49er swung his chisel splitting a rock,licked the chisel tip with his tongue & spat.He looked at tattoo on his forearm."Xmas or bust".He grinned showing a gold tooth. Elvira's

I don't know about God, but the Devil is a woman for sure. How else can you explain

Wally turned red in horror. How could he have said THAT? It's not a common mistake, not even close. The moment the word left is mouth he knew. What he meant to say was "poutine"

When Max was randomly dispatched by a reckless driver, it fell to Daisy to take up the mantle of the avatar of the Dog of Death. Yes, Death had a dog, and it was a labradoodle.

Bringing firecrackers to his brother's wedding was Bill's latest idea for a good practical joke. It would also be his last.

This eloquent darkness. It is gong. In a glade with my peasant shirt stained with another man's blood. Clapping the dirt from my hands, I jumped back onto the wagon to lie on bags

'Twas the night before Christmas, some say 'Christmas Eve'. I sat on the couch with my fat uncle Steve. Many a laugh and many a beer crossed past our lips as we watched the TV.

Choking on foetid air, I traversed the entryway to the blasted tomb, within which a teeming brood of pestilent vermin had fed upon my forebears for millennia. I, P. H. Craftlove,

The skis were chattering down the slopes. He tucked even tighter. The cold was killing his face. A kid on the ski lift dropped a pole and it flew right into his chest. He felt

"In addition to your terminal illness, you have a corneal ulcer," said the goat-horned doctor. "So, avoid light, including THE Light. Why not enjoy a darker afterlife alternative?"

I was stuck in the restroom with no toilet paper. Stranded right after the biggest bout of diahrrea I'd ever had. I hear the door open and the boss walks in.

I was the only survivor of that tragedy. Since then, I've gained amazing superpowers and each day I discover more of them. For example, yesterday, I was lifting cars, when