My mother was a ballerina, and she was Going Places, but then I was born and she realized her true passion lay in making tiny origami statues.

The early spring had caused everything to come up too fast and blossom all stunted and misshapen. The buds simply didn't have time to form before bursting open. "Quasimodo" came to

"Are you kidding? The shoes that look like hobbit feet were bad enough, but this! You've no idea what fires you are playing with" Jackson was furious, but the merchandising people

The wet cold asphalt was the same color as the sky that drooled on my mood. "Cheer Up!" the damn Dr. had said. How can anyone Cheer Up in the Pacific North West. When it wasn't

Supersalycalidisiousexpealidosous. Just because a horses ass is something quite enormous. Supersalycalidisiousexpealidosous. I know her ass is just as big, butt I adore it

Before I could stop myself, I jumped over and hugged him, then jerked back and bounced on my heels. He looked amused and flustered at the same time. Surprised and elated, he put

'Invalid response' my ass! It's my phone, and I'll answer it any way I like, or not at all if I so choose. I'm sick & tired of these nuisance calls from scammers trying to get your

Once upon a time, there

He batted his long lashes, subtly plucked the thong out of his behind and began a sultry, whiskey-voiced rendition of "Sweet Transvestite"

He blasted outside. He was shirtless with his sweats stuffed into gortex work boots. He had a fur hat on. He yelled for his son. Lunch was on and he was serving moose stew

When the snow turns into spring, there is usually joy and elation all around. But on this day

Belated birthdays were his way of saying that he liked you, but passive aggressively wasn't really interested in carrying the friendship forward to the next birthday. Also, farting

Kopi Luak or 'civet coffee! I'll just bet a bunch of natives were sitting around half drunk and one of them said I'll bet you we could get the whities to drink Civet shit and pay

He asked her to do it. His tone was conciliatory. His face sympathetic. But his request for this particular kind of human perversion was very far past any normal favor. He

He was filling out Christmas cards. One to Phil. Another to Aunt Gloria. He scribbled the usual crap. But when he read what he wrote he saw a confession for murder. For multiple

"How did this happen, exactly?" "I'm not sure, doctor. One minute the candy cane was in my hand, and the next thing I knew, it was stuck in my

When the city of Denver is remembered, it will be remembered for the way its soldiers fought and died against the fearsome militants of Arizona and their eradication machines.

But he didn't care. The Borg could go through its routines. He just wanted his pass and his payment. It's chest opened and he reached for his propulser but

amazingly odd that the quarter had fallen on it's edge over 12 times! as he prepared to flip it again, there came a shout from across the street. It was mrs. gerdsley making some

When the chief offered his daughter the interpreter told me this was an offer I couldn't turn down. "I am already married. Tell him that. Point out my wedding ring." "Why does that