The ochre yellow oozed off of the canvas in a distinct puddle on the museum floor. The night watchman didn't notice, and casually walked through it.

"Your mission: go back in time and terminate the Extremist Hipster Movement before it gains momentum and takes over the world." I had woken up in 2012, but it seemed to be too late

Folding Story is a lot like blackjack. You gotta play smart with the cards you're dealt and the room you're given. And win or lose, it always seems to end with a gun at my spine.

Aquí comença la història

I was at the New Year's Eve concert in Times Square when it happened. King of Rock n Roll Chuck Berry was singing "Roll over Beethoven" when Ludwig himself appeared on stage.

BREAKING NEWS: Santa is spotted doing the unthinkable- he is

I stood alone in a crowded place, a sprawling old mansion in a cramped part of town. Houses in Southside had room for perhaps a tree, or a little driveway in the front yard, but...

Ironically, it happened on a Thursday.

Benoondict Khanderbatch sat on the bridge of the ReallyBIgShipthat'sNOTtheReliant and brooded. Something was terribly wrong with reality, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly

I like pie.

Gastro-Intestinal Joe didn't have kung-fu grip. He didn't even have arms and legs. G.I. Joe was just a head and a gastro-intestinal tract.

He decided not to answer his phone. "Fuck it." He was going to let the goddamn chips fall where they may. Why should he care, he was going to die anyway. Hell, they were all goin

Mrs. Comfrey rapped on the blackboard and listened. She drew a circle with her special chalk, and laid some salt in the chalk tray, as well as jalapenos, banana peppers, huevos

Everything I do becomes a fad. I drank White Russians BEFORE "The Big Lebowski." I had an ironic goatee in the Eighties! (I wish I could just sue somebody.)

Gil prepared for every scenario. His airbags -- always deployed. His backup flashlight battery charger -- charged. His dying suit -- on at all times. But even Gil hadn’t foreseen

It all started when I found my grandfather's old passport. There were stamps from Japan, Nigeria and Bolivia. And all in the 1920s. What was he doing there? And why the pinecones?

I'm a dolphin trainer at Sea World. It sucks. I hate dolphins, and orcas too. Stupid animals. They're always trying to kill you or hump you. That's what the crowd doesn't see.

Once upon a time....

By the time you have read this

"All right, son. Where'd you hide the body?" Sheriff Braxton demanded, his face screwed up into what he thought was a mask of fatherly concern but was more like Pennywise from "It"