I knew this day would come. Cher

The charred earthen birm circled the sacrifice pyre. Remnants of those long ago offered for consumption littered the edge of the pit. Liza Minelli

Help! I've been laminated!

When his father finally gave him the Guns n Roses album, he held the vinyl up to the light, as if Slash's leads and Axl's voice would come shimmering through. Then he moved towards

The 24 hour marathon of The Nanny episodes had taken it's toll. At last she stopped putting it off and booked a trip to Flushing NY. There she would tour the monuments to

Baking cookies required stamina once fossil fuels had disappeared. You had to hire an Olympic cyclist to run the generator for twenty damned minutes to get the oven to a steady

There's nothing wrong with being gay, sure, but Neal Hardon took it to the extreme. The fanny pack and the roller blades were enough- the Enrique Iglesias CD was a tad overboard.

Her ninetieth birthday smoked every other for the last 72 years. Sure, her family was there, but so was a 20 year old Swiss. He'd said he'd come for her, and 72 years later, he had

Degeneration. The word didn't exactly roll off the tongue, especially now that his mind was pulling a Flowers for Algernon and nose diving into oblivion. The only cure: blood.

He couldn't believe it - all those years of training and preparation, and he was defeated by some no-namer from Minneapolis? Somewhere in the distance, Rick Astley could be heard.

I awoke on a cold, hard table in a room I did not recognise. My head was groggy as I forced myself up and looked around. The first thing I noticed were the

My friends were all laughing away at their lockers and I asked what's so funny? They said my best friends girlfriend was a riot, I knew she was stealing my best friend so I decided

The man stood at the top of the stairs. Looking at me. I dragged my eyes away from the body lying drunkenly across the lower step. My life was

I am always amazed that when I pick my nose in public I get that look. As if it is so foreign to people. Why don't they

As the water from the rain poured into the sewer, a man climbed down a manhole completely smashed from tequila and vodka. Due to his drunken state, he did not realize that he was

Three morris men tried to creep past the watching guard but the jingling of their bells alerted the sentry. 'Put your hands up and give the password', barked the guard. "It's

RUN! The secretaries looked puzzled. I SAID RUN! The man burst through the door and headed straight for the window. The secretaries saw what was behind him and

The dog was licking his foot again. Earlier that year he'd seen that some dogs could detect cancer, or seizures and would lick the offending part. While he debated, his dog peed

Wind whipped around the corners of the buildings, sending scattered newspaper pages sailing down the street. The street, now empty, where just moments before

The clown's real name was Dan, but everyone called him Danny Buckles after he got a tranq dart stuck in his