The clown's real name was Dan, but everyone

The clown's real name was Dan, but everyone called him Danny Buckles after he got a tranq dart stuck in his

left foot. He was luckily fast enough to take it out before he passed out, but his friend Noah insisted

that he put that thing back in his pants! But once you take it out and let it breath a bit

it will oxidize into a chantarelle cap which we can eat, and then go straight to the Phish show. The night was

turning out to be crazier than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Good thing we were going to hear some good music and with

the right mixture of countervailing drugs we might just make it through the night. Concerts like this were hard to

stomach, but we used our imagination. After setting off a few smoke bombs, it got more exciting. We were still laughing maniacally when the security guards found us. We

were like kids on a sugar-high - utterly psychotic. They didn't know what to do with us, so we kept

our hearts in little cages like the ones they use to lock up crazy people at the hospital. They hoped that with such strict security they'd be able to

get some entertainment from watching hooligans get caught trying to sneak past the "employees only" section of Wal*Mart.