The dew of the almond trees sappling branches reflected the Moon's silver light, as Inspector Antonio Vermillingua followed the ant trail along the Villas crumbling perimeter wall

I could tell Brad was lying his ass off. He looked me right in the eye as he swore up and down that he didn't drive my Porsche to the PigglyWiggly. There were two telltale signs.

He was sad. He couldn't even peal a dam tomato! His girlfriend would arrive at any moment and he would be proved a useless idiot who didn't deserve her. Suddenly,

Within the confines of the TechnoCave, the Miasma Theorists stuck to their guns. "I'll believe what I want, this is a free country." "That's the miasma talking, Jen. Freedom? Here?

I witnessed an amazing sight this morning on my way to school. It was raining and lightning flashed in the sky with a resounding crash of thunder almost immediately afterward.

Oh my God. I did not see that coming. If

"This is a submarine not a jungle gym you nitwits!" The commander was steamed.

They were Mermonkeys, sort of like Planet of the Apes meets the Little Mermaid.

Today, I made the most momentous decision of my life. And then, almost immediately, I changed my mind. This all happened as I changed the tire on my five year old Toyota Camry.

In the apocalypse, even the celebrities were turned into zombies. However, this had little effect on their careers. Tay Zonday released Chocolate Brain, and Justin Bieber

As my accomplices and I faced Utah's firing squad, I liked my chances. Not only was I short, but I was also discreetly wearing a kevlar body suit. Playing dead in 3, 2, 1..."Fire!"

He opened the brochure: Welcome to the Clam-net. We are a decentralized organization devoted to finding you the tastiest clams from around the world.

They watched in utter shock as mother's took their toddler daughters wrapped them in glimmering cloth and placed them in all their pageantry in the box only to come out as pre-teen

In impromptu speaking it is always good to pull a random quote out of your pocket and use it to add justification to your point. For example, "Kennedy once said 'To be or not to be

"No, for real! I swear hush puppies are made out of REAL puppies." Wow. My butcher had never steered me wrong in the past, so I had to believe him. Still, made me wonder if

"It's a prawn appeal" whispered the black-eyed shrimp, "against their sentence for crimes against mollusculinity". "What?" replied the outraged reported, "But they haven't even bee

Happy nipples! Happy nipples! I've got happy nipples!

A flash of light shattered the sky followed a moment later by a massive boulder rolling slowly down a distant mountain.

The Ratman & Stoat queen sauntered through the renaissance fare. They were giving each other the glad eye, but above their shoulders, her stoat was leering at his hairless rat.

On my way to the local asshattery to pick my ass up a new hat I stopped in the cupcakerie for a red velvet and a cup. A retired haberdasher took note of my chapeau and quipped