I keep seeing his screen name pop up in the corner even though he's been logged in. I keep thinking how he goes to smoke pot and fuck that dyke behind my back. I hate thinking.

Turns out my overbearing boss had IT install a keystroke recorder on my keyboard a while back. Something must have really triggered an alarm because at 4:20 this morning, a SWAT

He raised his cosmic Hand and said, "My name is Paul, and I'm a melange addict." The room swam with folksy possibilities from Earth in the 1930s, but they did have good coffee.

"I don't know, I just hate how Apple has sort of, become cool." The squirrel stared at the cat. The cat said, "What's wrong with cool?" The squirrel twitched, "Nerds aren't suppose

See Dick drive. Dick drives a flashy car. Dick picks up Jane. They go to the drive-in movies. See Dick put the move on Jane. He's at first base. But he's not playing baseball.

The world is spinning as I wake up to the sound of thunder. The dark colors swirl around the room in an epileptic mess as the lightning continues to strike. Where is my wife?

Kitten looks out of the window at the rain sluicing down in droplets across the lush verdant and thinks of nothing but murder all day.

In the end, the computer hard drive never got fixed, but that inspired him to meet his first lover who told him it was futile. Then his would-be boyfriend got high & cheated on him

His fist crashes into my nose, causing a loud crack and sending blood everywhere. He smirks and says, "You really suck at this." I smile and say, "Screw you too."

Buff Spelunker trudged into the depths. The stalagmites parted, and the stalactites retracted into the ceiling, lest they be crumbled by a brush of his shoulders. An ancient para

The morning after: She nuzzled up to him and then licked him with her raspy tongue. We woke with a start. There was an enormous capybara in his bed.

Kurt Russet was wrapping up Big Tuber in Little China. The movie was half-baked and he wondered if the critics would roast it.

M U R D E R E R

So late it was really early I opened the window and sucked in the fresh air. The starlight was brighter than usual but it was washed out by the

It all started when I found my grandfather's old passport. There were stamps from Japan, Nigeria and Bolivia. And all in the 1920s. What was he doing there? And why the pinecones?

I opened the door to the fire station and cats just poured out of the door in a never-ending cascade. I pushed forward and was soon completely submerged in cats, my open mouth

"What have I told you?!" he yelled out, slapping the young girls face. The girl cired out as she fell to the floor, "I'm sorry!" she cried, scared of him even more. He looked ready

I was about to vote for President, when I wondered if it even mattered. I decided it didn't matter who I voted for, I was doomed anyway. So I didn't vote, instead I bought me a

It was 10:30 at night. The sky had turned a sullen orange, and Jake felt more alive than ever before. The blood that oozed from his ears and eyes didn't worry him. The green ooze

"It would only take 30 - 40 minutes tops to break into it, " I thought to myself... Charlie Tuna, why do you do this to me every time?? The pouches are ok, but the cans are soooo