Once upon a time, I was at my friends house. While we were their, he informed me that when he wis bored, he likes to flex his nipples. I told him

Well, that was a surprise, I large elephant under my bed.

"Mr. President, thank you for proving that speaking well has nothing to with real leadership. We should have went with Hillary." TV cameras caught Obama's face. Biden hit pause on

A couldnae bring masel tae tell her o' aw the damage the storm had caused oor wee croft. It wisnae so much the beltin rain or the howlin wind but the men that came wae it. They...

Today is the first day of school. I'm finally a senior in high school! This year is going to be different than other years. I am finally going to

Unlike you...I have a job and things going for me. I will never ruin it over dumb ass pill head HOES like yourself

Shock the monkey

it was the second pair of bose headphones that had been stolen from me at work in a month. Rage consumed me, but I bought a third pair. Inside, I rubbed poison ivy, peanut oil and

This new art app is just a reminder people are too lazy for words. They only want pictures. I have no talent. I just blew seven dollars on making myself miserable all over again.

He wrapped her head in syran wrap. The chains kept her legs and arms to the bed. He watched her eyes. When they started to droop, he opened a mouth hole. He resuscitated her. She

She adjusted the water bottles. Straightening the Odwalla juices was a constant headache. When she restacked the premade sandwiches she stopped. In the case was a bloody finger

one day i decided to go to a park and i met a talking dog who told me that burger king is giving away free burgers to any body with a talking dog. so me and the talking dog went

People wonder where you are every hour every minute and every second of every day They never stop searching for you, you fill their mind with your innocence and with your wit but

Here are a few of my favorite things: the smell of fresh ground coffee, 49er football, when my kids are running toward me, getting into a groove on a nicely mogeled ski slope,

At the FoldingStory Meme bar, Det. Manatee and Agent Scarn were swapping strories. Big Lion was on the mike. Just then, Kool-Aid man burst in,"B’chugerroth is back in town!"

When she spotted me she came running with her arms held wide and a huge smile on her face, I was so proud and my heart swelled. My granddaughter!.... What a wonderful feeling! G-Pa

I was stuck in the restroom with no toilet paper. Stranded right after the biggest bout of diahrrea I'd ever had. I hear the door open and the boss walks in.

He had been suspicious for quite some time, what with the wooden appearance and the strings,- but after his nose grew three inches, Michael Jackson was sure this was no real boy.

The unfortunate child was born with a rare form of spina bifida, so rare that it had no name. The doctors mockingly called it anal bifida. Hugh Chauncey Pinkingford III had no

The little brown mouse went hopping through the big open field one day. His friends had warned him about the sky demons but his little brown mouse brain had convinced him