I stared at the rusted old sign. YOU ARE ONLY PERMITTED TO LEAVE THE COMPOUND WHEN ACCOMPANIED BY A GUARDIAN.

Lord Samuel of Goldwood let out a loud belch. Sir Matt Fornicot blushed. King Smith XI rose and boomed "HOW DARETH THEE BURP IN MY ROYAL PRESENCE?!".

My Tinder date & I were strolling along the seawall in Corpus Christi. We were playing 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. I had stumped her with Emma Stone. I think she was pretending to be

Good-bye, mission control. Thanks for trying.

You shuddered at Goom in the past. But now GOOGAM son of GOOM will thrill you as never before!

The only 2 famous Austrians I can think of are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hitler. Marie Antoinette - was she Austrian?

I remember the greatest achievement of my friends. It was degenerate, chaotic and technically illegal but it was so fucking beautiful.

Eirin screamed while tears ran down her face. 'Help...Please'. Another nightmare. She gets these often. James was asleep beside her, but didn't hear her.

Sarah was excited to finally go on her very first date. She had met a man online and they had immediately clicked. Now they would meet at a local cafe. But Sarah had a dark secret.

We arranged to meet at The Dolphin at Whitby. To blend in with the locals, I wore black lipstick & patent leather thigh boots. Wilbur wore a black cape lined with red silk & talcum

Previously on "Pagans in Space":

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"Go on then - just f--k off!" shouted England. "Think you'll find someone better? Think the EU will put up with your continual sulking!" Scotland was livid. "Yes, the EU LOVES me

Whatever twas, I liked it enough to put off doing the dishes again. That wasn't hard to do. Exotic lifeforms that formed on week old food encrusted plates deserved a chance at Life

I postponed reaching maturity by thirty years—the expectation far outweighed the consequence—and, afterwards, I still felt so intolerably lacking. “If you don’t grow up, “Mother

"You can sleep in a comfy bear-shaped sleeping bag for as long as you like, but that will not save your planet or its residents. Your minds are undisciplined; your tech is equal to

I am horribly horribly lost. I know that the lost city of paradise wasn’t going to be easy to find but this seems excessive

"Jack Frost nipping at your nose," The song lulled on beautifully but, all I could think was, really disgusting, my nose has boogers in in it. And why is Jack Frost nipping at it?

Shortly after Herman had pushed the button a hidious sound came out of the container. If this was not the end to the Garble people problem he had hand them over to the

Woh! What just happened?! I was stuck in a loop about watching all of Peter Lorre's movies to prove he was the best actor of the 20th century, bar none. That doesn't sound to unple