What not to name a chid: 1) Gertrude, 2) Princess Boo Boo, 3) North West, 4) Apple, 5) Maxi, 6) Hashtag, 7) Female, 8) Oranjello & Lemonjello (twins), 9) Havoc, 10) Ikea, 11) Shad

she injected a few mills of herion and walked over to the pole and started to dance

"Coffee, tea, or me?" she asked sweetly, bending down to adjust my seatbelt. I looked up at her. "Earl Gray, please." I replied, returning to my book.

They were called in the kids school,that afternoon.Weewees were out!The flowers and bees talk had been a bucket of cold water.That night nothing was suposed to happen,but they were

Rrrrrrrungungungungungunngunnnnnn.... I looked over at him in the next lane. RrrrrRRRRRRUNNNNNNGUNGUNGUNGUNGUNGUNnnnnnnnn. He stared back at me. The light turned green.

Thelma raked her fingers across the top of Bubba's head, upending his comb over. His eyes rolled in delight as she sashayed behind his easy-chair, whispering the words he longed to

My wimple itched something fierce, and my sensible nun shoes actually gave me horrific blisters I had to pop every night and cover with yards of gauze.

Sitting here eating a bowl of brown rice with no chicken I spot a fly.

If you took everything you know, and everything I know and put it all in a big pot and then randomly took half of it out, you'd have

Ours wasn't a typical lesbian love story, but few love stories are typical when they start the way ours did: in a burning building, surrounded by velociraptors and

I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning.Very, very frightening me.

I knew I had to dial for emergency services, but I had a cat on my lap and he was just so comfortable...

The full moon rose like the anger in my soul. Tonight was the night. I checked my bag. Everything was there: a rope, spray paint, a pig heart and the voodoo doll. My neighbor was

Tiny organic sigils roiled and mumbled in his new corpus. "Frocking incarnation randomizer!" He had hoped to become a spider crystal of Arcturus -- but no. Human again, despite

I walked into my flat & heard a commotion in my bathroom. It was Nicholas Cage singing 'Call Me Maybe'. I knocked on the door. "Excuse me, Mr Cage, I don't have an emergency on at

The sun is setting and all is quiet, the gentle breeze carries the scent of woody moss and honeysuckle, I lit the candles that formed the path through the woods to the gazebo where

Well I didn't get the job because under 'If you could be any type of dried fruit, what type would you be, and why?' I'd put 'Apricot; and your mother. Same reason.' I'm still not

I woke up this morning feeling really happy. Maybe too happy. I reached for my copy of M Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being". After reading just one chapter, the misery

She handed me a slice of pizza and said, "This means we're going steady now."

"Jake, I ... I don't know what to say!" her eyes shined as she saw the ring in my hand.