Well, I for one nominate that we flood this new Orwellian Cispanet with so much degenerate, offensive filth that it makes Tom Green blush & those thought-nazis consider a repeal.

Roscoe was a Boston Terrier in a Top Hat, super cute but also, hideously evil.

I removed all the money from an envelope labeled 'Life Savings' and turned it in for a stack of chips. The roulette wheel was calling me. "All these on red," I said. My luck

Baba Yaga the Hutu was sick of the jokes.

This is Commander Hadfield to ground control. I've left forever more. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the music stars look very different today.

Something interesting is happening here. Have you noticed? The seemingly endless supply of letters, words, and language is running out. There are only so many available. With each

Det. Manatee knew the arsonist was either a man with gender issues or a woman, because a CD with Alicia Keys' "Girl on Fire" was glued to the curb in front of each burned out

"TMI" "Huh?" "TMI - 'too much information', like when your buddy says, 'Since my wife has me on this vegan diet my turds are green.' or . Get it?"

"First, you're gonna want to macerate your berries thusly. Feel how soft they're getting? Now you can masticate them soo easily. Mmm." A mass debate in Bobby Flay's studio audience

BOOM SHAKA LAKA!

"Yo." I waved my hand in front of the girl's face. No response. Great. Here I was, stranded in the middle of nowhere, with only a pencil in my pocket and a comatose girl.

Mira fell on her back, so I reached out. "You look like you could use a hand," I said. She held on and I pulled. Moment of truth... uh-oh. I couldn't lift her. My shoulder popped

when I was a little girl, my mother used to love me so much. she used to kiss me and hug me all th time. However, when I became a young lady, she stayed away from me.

The thing about Abe Froman was that it was all about sausages. Sausage this and sausage that. One time I said, "knock, knock?" And he said, "Sausage, now shut your mouth."

John Bronner soaked the antique newspaper with brandy and struck a match. "The Daily Gazette used to tell us stuff. It didn't tell us what to see." He let it go. He let it all go.

Attention neighbors, the police have been notified of your toddlers parading unattended down the sidewalk in their motorized cars. Our homeowners association will not tolerate

An inside-out Uncle was not a pleasant sight to behold, he thought, as he beheld the steaming viscera beneath the monacle and toupée that was all that was left of Baron Furvile. If

When Angela traveled all the way to Ukraine for her knee operation, she had no idea that both her patellas would be replaced by equal sized spheres of critically enriched uranium.

I wish I was sitting in my loungeroom playing boggle with my family. That used to be so much better than sitting in prison.

'Are you a punctuation mark?' 'Yes.' 'Are you a subatomic particle?' 'Yes.' 'Are you an amusement park ride?' 'Yes.' 'Are you an interplanetary magnetic field?' 'Yes.'