He showed up at her door with a bouquet of roses and knocked. The door opened & there she stood, her blue eyes widened in surprise. "I'm sorry," he said with a smile. "What are you

"Fellow shareholders, after years of effort from our team of paleontologists and molecular biologists may I present to you the Brontosaurus burger!" "Dad, it's Apatitosaurus!

Fred said hey Hello Mary says What are you doing today? Fred said. Not much where's bob? Said Mary. I don't know maybe at the park Fred said said. Ok thanks. That's alright Mary.

Onyx sat, staring at the ice blue eyes looking back at him. Not entirely sure what it was, it moved with the same fluidity as he, the same timing. Copying his every nuance.

I decided to put the lie to the "size doesn't matter" mantra once & for all & published "Penis size interacts with body shape and height to influence male attractiveness" in PNAS

Rush hour traffic was backed up along the freeway as far as the eye could see. Nobody could remember how the impromptu freeway cricket match between the passengers of Bus 384 and

After an unexpectedly brief tour of the countryside, Leighton Milford docked his aeroskiff with a grimace of dismay in the stellarium above 19 Sutton Mews. His terrified passenger,

In experienced preparation for a day at The Happiest Place on Earth, I consumed 800 mg of pain reliever, 100 mg of a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and a cup of dopamine.

The woolen scarf was itchy. It was the embodiment of the reason why I didn't believe in love. You had to lie to people you cared about. "Yes, I like your scarf, honey".

"Why are you walking funny?" I don't walk funny." "Yes you do! Just now when you walked over to the kitchen, I heard laughter coming from your shorts." "Oh that. That's just my

"I didn't puke on the computer screen!" I yelled. "Well, maybe a little..." My Dad was fuming. Didn't I tell you NOT to ever watch Twilight?! The mere mention of the movie caused a

Gigantic purple orbs crossed my vision, glistening opalescent fizzywigs buzzing morosely until the scent of refried beans recentered my attention on the very orange plate of tacos.

... ten paces, turn left at the swing-set and start digging. I cleared away the cedar chips and found a pink shoe-box that I had buried there in 1987...

Today was the day it would stop. Yes today was the day for it to stop. It should of never started in the first place.

After endless hours of trying, I finally got it right: I took off my glasses, spun around, my hair loosening from it's bun, &, in a flash of light. I, Gary Kowalski, became Wonder

“These are humans Tal, useless pieces of shit that we use for fuel. No one feels bad for squishing a few insects.”

Drunk. Scottish. Bitter.

Dear Diary, I drew that "S" thing on Josh's hand today, but before 7th period, he'd washed it off. Hygiene is totes adorbs! I washed my Josh altar to honor his hygienic ways.

He finished licking her ankles and unbowed. "My dear", he grunted, "those are the sweetest calves that I have ever tasted!". "I'm sorry" she replied disdainfully, "have we met?"

Molotov's attempts to create the perfect strawberry daiquiri had so far proved to be disastrous. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go Slava" sighed taberneiro Stalin sadly,