If Cookie Monster can indulge in 50 cookies before lunch, it must certainly be acceptable for me to devour 10 margaritas for breakfast after the night I've had! I can't believe

It's not what it looks like I said as my sister walked into my room.I was just...

The spooky girl sat next to me on the train. I pretended to do a cryptic crossword. She whispered "Ever think that darkness is not the absence of light but a physical force?"

I was surrounded. There were thousands of the monsters. Defeating them was inconcievable. Nevertheless, I drew my epic sword of destiny and prepared for their assualt. As they ran

The crazy oldman lived the rest of his life being hated, completely broke, and... in love with a pigeon... This is hell... I am in hell. I am like an electric Jesus

Sid was acepted as a law student at Oxford University but he couldn't get accommodation on campus since the rooms were full. He looked up different student websites hoping to find

This was my last chance to pop a wheelie on my motorcycle before the big Vegas show. Celine Dion

The Sun and I aren't on speaking terms. We are both at fault, I suppose; she's been disappearing every night, and I've been seeing a tanning bed. We tried galactic counseling, but

I suddenly found myself inside a yellow submarine. How did I get here? Why was Ringo Starr having tea with an octopus? And why the only sound I could make was "Goo goo g'joob"?

...You are five miles from your destination. Please take "The Yellow Brick Road" at the next exit. Continue for 2 miles until you reach the "Enchanted Forest." Witch Detour Ahead.

After the success of his "A Slackers Guide to Life" and "A Slackers Guide to Work" he wondered who he was going to get to write "A Slackers Guide to Love".

"It's chlorophyll," he declared, pointing at a glass of greenish liquid on the table, "The fountain of youth!" I eyed him suspiciously. "So you're a plant vampire then," I replied.

Sorry. I'm late - I was busy being groped at the airport. I gotta tell you, that's the first time I let another guy touch my junk when I couldn't blame it on too many beers.

I looked fearfully at the small woods bordering his home and at the finger of dark water that jutted out of the overgrowth and barely touched

In the offices of the Allen County Highway Department, Construction Manager Michelle Schmidt was sitting at her desk looking at site photos and engineering schematics and various

The carrion birds fought halfheartedly for the barely edible flesh of Ronald Stedman. He'd been mostly chemicals and electrolytes swirling through a barely human body for years.

Flipping through the channels he froze on UHF. He saw himself sitting there on the tv. His couch was on tv. His living room was on tv. He lifted the remote and

40 years underground with only IV feeding had made any taste seem special. In fact he was pretty sure the only reason he gotten any dates was for his man-made "protein shakes".

She cackled over the screams of the children. She wasn't accustomed to cackling, but it was all she could do not to piss herself every time one begged for help. Standardized tests

This morning when I dropped a deuce in the bowl I could smell our sex from last night. The yeasty moistness that your snapper gummed on my bumpy pole really made me