The 2013 National Beard and Moustache Championships are a few months away, yet my pirate blackbeard needs work to win. Maybe I can get my parrot, Squawkers, to grow a goatee.

Two interviews down, 423 to go. Starting a company as a multi-trilionaire was much easier than the scrappy mess he started in his garage 23 years ago. This time, he vowed,

Come closer now. Only you can hear the houses sleeping in the streets in the slow deep salt and silent black, bandaged night.

Every time there was a party at his neighbour's he had the same old problem...

Hundreds of years ago, our planet hosted a small human population. Despite an abundance of land and food, the greedy rich, as usual, hogged it all and forced others into servitude.

She laid on the ground. Sick. Decapitation. Her head faced east. Her neck bloody and ragged. And in the pool of glistening blood was a slice of apple pie. I lit a smoke to think.

"A laugh?" He thought, "I'll show them what's funny." The jester picked up his jingly hat, and approached the castle cook. "Cook, it's time to depose our king, and it's time for me

"RUN!" she shrieked as the creature exploded upward in a cloud of blood and tentacles and serrated teeth. It was far too powerful. If they died it would be her fault, regardless of

Orchade Arcade was a small run down building. It mainly consisted of a toy store, a second hand book store, a sushi shop that had run out of business, and a door that stood in the

Although I was 15, I lied on the age verification and said I was born in 1901. The monitor flashed in a brilliant light and I appeared in the trenches of Verdun.

Nobody but Kevin noticed that the president had become a massive dragon overnight. Everyone seemed to think he'd always been like that, and official records seemed to agree.

Her blonde hair. It was all my eyes decided to look at, despite thousands of other things in the restaurant.

Katy best friend Sarah and Her were superpose be going straight home from the 5sos concert. but Sarah talked Katy into going a party 5sos was throwing.

I was trapped, alone on an iceberg, penguins and that squamous, tentacled THING slowly melting out of the ice as my only companionship. The penguins had wised up to my predations,

Carlotta Widdershins looked around at the old farmhouse from which she had evicted her troublesome goody-goody sister. "Good," she thought. But the gloom in the northwest corner r

As the hands tightened around my throat, I pondered how I'd gotten myself into such a mess. It all began with the tea party, of course. And I'd used my best china too. I guess

Pungent cologne intoxicating my lungs, I couldn't breathe. He was

I had been glyphed by a tattoo shaman, I had nano prayer wheels in both arms, but those didn't keep people from dying. Earth had become an MMO with no logout and no regeneration. M

Waking up with stigmata can be embarrassing if your one stand is sitting around waiting for the breakfast you promised her. "Are you telling me the pancakes were a lie?" The wounds

Forgive m,e my lord, tonight's dinner was made by the mad clown Springy. I'm afraid it's a bit