Since the police had me tagged as a suspect, I knew then I had to incinerate my garbage. Any phone bill, any left-over sandwich wrapper, could link me to the scene.

A shark is a large fish, and does not move hydrologically in the same way that say, an inflatable child's toy does, but I wasn't in the frame of mind to tell the difference when

I was so jealous of Tony. He had a CB radio, an RC Trans-Am, a Color TRS-80, and a portable TV which could receive UHF 'and' FM stations. All I had was pong.

I'M BATMAN! or I thought I was. My butler keeps telling me I am this Bruce guy and that I should unlock the broom closet and take my meds. My thoughts are a bit...I'M BATMAN!

It all started with a fight on New Year's Eve. Who would have thought a cup of noodles had so much power? I still have 3rd-degree burns. My phace and L bowz stil hab da bern.

The tutu really made his outfit, he thought. Why he hadn't worn them before was a mystery, but seeing the envious stares of his coworkers as he walked into Taco Bell, waving his

Ah, dear Earwig. Most misunderstood, save only our friend Cockroach. I fear you both suffer from unfortunate names. Also, that Wrath of Khan flick didn't really help the earwig out

I can't believe my best friend just found out.

She was tired of seeing me in my drunk costume. She never did have any class. She never told me her name either.

As I was riding in the U-boat there was a plane in the mist a while away but I went ahead and told the captin. The captin

Hang gliding in the nude, Frank mused, was fine in theory. But in practice it was downright chilly and the wind created an extremely uncomfortable sensation in his

Choking on foetid air, I traversed the entryway to the blasted tomb, within which a teeming brood of pestilent vermin had fed upon my forebears for millennia. I, P. H. Craftlove,

In mid-summer of the previous year I had exited my home and witnessed something unbelievable. There was a group of nearly 78 women strutting down the road. One of them hollered and

Today, I learned that my friend has been secretly a vi user his entire life. Myself being an emacs fanatic to the point of my wife leaving me with my kids, jobless, and homeless.

If I find my key,

Why do I hate Bono he wondered.

The Cypriot Prime Minister was thinking. He could a) let the country go bankrupt; b) suffer a bizarre Polonium 210 death at the hands of a disgruntled Russian depositor; c) no c

... and that is why they are called Macaws." The zoo lady smiled brightly in her safari khakis. "Now, any more questions? Yes?" A grizzled man slowly raised his hand. He coughed,

Ah yes, she was free again. She loved a Sunday drive. The Cabbie's aftershave didn't bother her. Ever since the DUI she had to take taxis, but no matter, she was as free as

The Archbishop stood before us. I thought about his father's ears and his family's hidden German past. Through our marriage, we would rule the world. According to the prophecy,