in the coldest of nights, homer simpson drags his trash bag to the garbage and suddenly

Fighting the rats has become my obsession. I know my battle is futile, but I press on. I hear them plotting in their rat councils, forming committees, and planning their

David stood there, sweaty and hot. The 90 degree day was not kind to him, seeing as he was wearing a suit and tie, standing on a street corner, his gaze affixed to his watch. Soon,

Ants, so far, outlive us, we shan't likely outlive them, but owing to the obvious differences in scale, we can hardly be said to be leading lives commensurate with those of ants.

He'd had a crush on her since they started opening together. He'd get there early in his pickle green VW bus. She in her "Integra." 5 am was not too early for love, at Starbucks

"Check my stomach. Do I feel fat?"

Shit! My IRA just tanked, my girlfriend slept with my father and now my freakin' iphone crapped out. But I was determined not to let these set backs stop me from reaching my

Working at the factory was always hard, especially when the boss showed up unexpectedly and caught all of us Oompa Loompas making vanilla rivers instead of chocolate ones... so we

The day before my hot dog stand exploded, I had been thinking about selling the thing and getting into portable bagels. I could offer cream cheese, salmon, or just butter. But,

now days everyone wana talk but when they move there lip just a bunch of jibberish beacuse they frogot about dre is what i said when a

If your bored and you know it type in here... I am,

The night would only last four more months, but he needed a tan for prom or else he was literally going to disappear into the photographer's flash. Spray tan was out, but microwave

I dropped the pillow on my bed and slammed my head onto it. I seriously can't keep my eyes open any longer. The neurotoxin was getting to me faster than I thought.

Once there sang a warbler of great intellect and keen senses. It had been foretold that sleepless nights would reign once again. She also had great tits.

I was sitting at the tip of the ifle tower and

I was slowly walking to school on my first day, and seeing that all the students have already left me. As I hear the bell ring from miles away, a sudden male student grabs my hand

"The end is nigh!" shouted a elderly lady with a compromising sandwich board plastered to her ample bosom. Some people shot her worried looks, wondering if she had escaped from

I found an enormous blue eye floating in the surf while walking on the beach early one morning. I picked it up and took it home to play a prank on my wife by laying it on my pillow

They called him Walker, Connecticut Ranger.

"But the economy is in the shitter, and for once I want to report the truth!" But Rupert Murdoch squeezed his head and said