Santa is Satan, dontcha know. Think about it. Both wear red. Both like horned animals. Both enjoy extreme temperatures. And both want to be the center of attention at Xmas.

After I'd received my neighbor returned to me from selling him on eBay, the car wash's genie mascot explained his master was the car wash owner. I plotted to earn his wishes for my

He retreated back to his hotel room like hermit crab. He couldn't wait to put the cigarette out, shower off the offensive tobacco stink. Hunter S. Thompson was a health nut, public

Whoouh. I pushed back from the delivery Chinese-splattered table, grabbed a fortune cookie and limped to the couch, spent. Cracking the cookie, I pushed some shards in my mouth and

To be born again," thought Gabriel F. tumbling back into his comatose body, "first you have to die." Having been there & back he was a new man when he awoke to the astonishment of

Her skin-tight T shirt read: 'Hey! Check out my knockers! Aren't they tremendous!' OK, it didn't say *exactly* that, but that was the message I got loud and clear. I decided to

One of my biggest regrets is letting myself believe that we had something.

Desperation is one of those themes that only pokes it's head out once every blue moon, but this was a fitting moment for Jack. His hand flashed out a glock and it vomited lead into

well he'd finally done it. Even he had to acknowledge his genius. Mario Batali had made a full leisure suit out of prosciutto. He regally dressed as

A gentle but ominous wind sips through the window; the curtains ripple and the door creaks. Jess was sure the windows were shut in the morning before she stepped out. She

She looked up at him with the deepest look of disdain that she could muster. "Tell me, Hugh, why on Earth

Friar Tuck thought no one knew. "You're going bald and we all know it. Growing the hair on the side only makes it look worse." Tuck wondered what made Lil John a fashion expert

i burred today

Rain pattered on the roof of the cheap hotel. Drake loved the sound; made him think of his childhood, back in the U.S. A lifetime ago. The sign outside flashed blue neon

I was driving to a place to pick up a thing for someone when suddenly something happened which

The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching the sunray from the window pane, the time is passing slowly. "The life won't change if I do nothing." I say. "Yes, this will last

"Want some Chinese for dinner?" Dale asked. I hate living on Cannibal Island. There's really only one joke and we've all heard it a dozen times. On the other hand,

Before school, I pridefully set up my Mars and Pirate Lego sets on my desk. When I returned, smoke was rising from the Mars Rover, and the Black Pearl had capsized. "Who did this?"

I was told to make a folding story in school today and just started wondering about...

then there was light.... and animals and trees and kumquats and coupons for futons and swizzle sticks and the Canadian Brass and huge amounts of matter just sitting there. "Huh,"