Please place towel on the floor if you need a new one. As a small step to saving the environment, we suggest you use your champagne chiller as a penis beaker. -The Hotel Staff.

I have all the Elton John life-size collectable "living dolls" from the Tyrell Corporation. My favorite is Tiny Dancer - she's SO tiny, only comes up to my knee, and holds me

The lobotomist stood next to his patient, saying "You're pregnant." Xenia was too sedated to feel anything and yawned. What was she doing here? Her mother scheduled the lobotomy

Gaston sucked his biro. He really wanted to sign the 'Don't Touch My Whore' petition, but what if his wife found out?

"Do you think iwatches are gonna take over the world?" I looked at Zombie Bob who was

Hades split the pomegranate open and took a handful of flesh. He stroked Persephone's hair and parted her lips. He fed her 4 pomegranate seeds. He licked the juice from her lovely

Eyes watch me in my sleep... they haunt my dreams... they won't go away.

"Am I prolix?" asked the small shrimpy animancule swimming in the gloop. "Perhaps 'less is more' should be my mantra from now on." Smiling ever so slightly it flicked its pinkish

If I go to school today

"Hot damn boy, you could sell ice to Eskimos!" cackled Grandpa as I handed him the money. Three long weeks I'd spent putting that deal together and now it seemed

"Awesome dude! We found your toe! You'll be famous. We'll put the vid on youtube & send your toe to Dawson City." "I want my toe back." "No way, Finder's keepers. You can drink it!

It is a guilty secret of modern psychology that more is understood about the motivation of thirsty rats & hungry pecking pigeons as they press levers than is known about how poets

He looked to his left. She was there, standing on the edge of the cliff. Her body limped, her face ashen. He followed the wrong path, and now, it's too late. She took a step

How cool would it be if we had access to historical accounts of massive blunders and successes throughout history? Such a resource could really come in handy. Instead, we're

I didn't plan on becoming a courtesan. But when I met the Comte de Camembert at the Opera de Ville, I couldn't resist his offers of chateaux, gold Louis and fine stallions. Helas!

We reveal a new way to speed up cancer drug discovery: free medical knowledge! Health is paramount, so we passed a law stating that all medical knowledge is to be freely accessibl

"I have in my hand The Last Burrito." He paused for effect as he displayed it to the TEDx audience. "This, ladies and gentleman, is The Burrito of the Eschaton." They gasped and st

While most ghosts haunt the dark abysses of the night, mine was sipping chai at Starbucks.

"She made me want to be a better person. I made her want to smear herself with guacamole. It was pretty hard to reconcile our respective feelings for one another, which is why we

The Witch of the hill!