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  • 18
    Avatar
    Please place towel on the floor if you need a new one. As a small step to saving the environment, we suggest you use your champagne chiller as a penis beaker. -The Hotel Staff.
    Finished
    2023-01-29 01:22:43
    Took
    9 years, 110 days, 13 hours, 53 minutes, 38 seconds
  • 17
    Avatar
    I have all the Elton John life-size collectable "living dolls" from the Tyrell Corporation. My favorite is Tiny Dancer - she's SO tiny, only comes up to my knee, and holds me
    Finished
    2023-01-28 23:51:30
    Took
    9 years, 118 days, 17 hours, 25 minutes, 13 seconds
  • 23
    Avatar
    The lobotomist stood next to his patient, saying "You're pregnant." Xenia was too sedated to feel anything and yawned. What was she doing here? Her mother scheduled the lobotomy
    Finished
    2023-01-28 23:32:07
    Took
    6 years, 334 days, 5 hours, 52 minutes, 23 seconds
  • 18
    Avatar
    Gaston sucked his biro. He really wanted to sign the 'Don't Touch My Whore' petition, but what if his wife found out?
    Finished
    2023-01-27 19:47:08
    Took
    9 years, 89 days, 14 hours, 47 minutes, 38 seconds
  • 18
    Avatar
    "Do you think iwatches are gonna take over the world?" I looked at Zombie Bob who was
    Finished
    2023-01-25 09:43:29
    Took
    6 years, 338 days, 16 hours, 39 minutes, 59 seconds
  • 28
    Avatar
    Hades split the pomegranate open and took a handful of flesh. He stroked Persephone's hair and parted her lips. He fed her 4 pomegranate seeds. He licked the juice from her lovely
    Finished
    2023-01-24 04:54:17
    Took
    9 years, 97 days, 23 hours, 43 minutes, 21 seconds
  • 44
    Avatar
    Eyes watch me in my sleep... they haunt my dreams... they won't go away.
    Finished
    2023-01-23 06:37:31
    Took
    69 days, 17 hours, 19 minutes, 49 seconds
  • 17
    Avatar
    "Am I prolix?" asked the small shrimpy animancule swimming in the gloop. "Perhaps 'less is more' should be my mantra from now on." Smiling ever so slightly it flicked its pinkish
    Finished
    2023-01-22 04:04:42
    Took
    9 years, 133 days, 18 hours, 42 minutes, 16 seconds
  • 20
    Avatar
    If I go to school today
    Finished
    2023-01-20 21:55:46
    Took
    2 years, 250 days, 8 hours, 54 minutes, 19 seconds
  • 18
    Avatar
    "Hot damn boy, you could sell ice to Eskimos!" cackled Grandpa as I handed him the money. Three long weeks I'd spent putting that deal together and now it seemed
    Finished
    2023-01-20 17:13:24
    Took
    9 years, 90 days, 44 minutes, 16 seconds
  • 0
    Avatar
    "Awesome dude! We found your toe! You'll be famous. We'll put the vid on youtube & send your toe to Dawson City." "I want my toe back." "No way, Finder's keepers. You can drink it!
    Finished
    2023-01-18 16:00:21
    Took
    9 years, 140 days, 2 hours, 42 minutes, 26 seconds
  • 19
    Avatar
    It is a guilty secret of modern psychology that more is understood about the motivation of thirsty rats & hungry pecking pigeons as they press levers than is known about how poets
    Finished
    2023-01-18 01:19:53
    Took
    9 years, 124 days, 6 hours, 2 minutes, 41 seconds
  • 18
    Avatar
    He looked to his left. She was there, standing on the edge of the cliff. Her body limped, her face ashen. He followed the wrong path, and now, it's too late. She took a step
    Finished
    2023-01-13 20:56:49
    Took
    8 years, 23 hours, 27 minutes, 1 second
  • 35
    Avatar
    How cool would it be if we had access to historical accounts of massive blunders and successes throughout history? Such a resource could really come in handy. Instead, we're
    Finished
    2023-01-13 05:51:03
    Took
    9 years, 106 days, 13 hours, 20 minutes, 31 seconds
  • 27
    Avatar
    I didn't plan on becoming a courtesan. But when I met the Comte de Camembert at the Opera de Ville, I couldn't resist his offers of chateaux, gold Louis and fine stallions. Helas!
    Finished
    2023-01-13 02:29:44
    Took
    9 years, 123 days, 8 hours, 6 minutes, 51 seconds
  • 23
    Avatar
    We reveal a new way to speed up cancer drug discovery: free medical knowledge! Health is paramount, so we passed a law stating that all medical knowledge is to be freely accessibl
    Finished
    2023-01-12 20:22:24
    Took
    8 years, 54 days, 7 hours, 36 minutes, 22 seconds
  • 10
    Avatar
    "I have in my hand The Last Burrito." He paused for effect as he displayed it to the TEDx audience. "This, ladies and gentleman, is The Burrito of the Eschaton." They gasped and st
    Finished
    2023-01-10 07:57:10
    Took
    6 years, 276 days, 21 hours, 24 minutes, 36 seconds
  • 10
    Avatar
    While most ghosts haunt the dark abysses of the night, mine was sipping chai at Starbucks.
    Finished
    2023-01-10 07:53:18
    Took
    7 years, 340 days, 22 hours, 27 minutes, 35 seconds
  • 34
    Avatar
    "She made me want to be a better person. I made her want to smear herself with guacamole. It was pretty hard to reconcile our respective feelings for one another, which is why we
    Finished
    2023-01-09 18:56:46
    Took
    6 years, 337 days, 23 hours, 15 minutes, 50 seconds
  • 0
    Avatar
    The Witch of the hill!
    Finished
    2023-01-08 11:04:39
    Took
    8 years, 10 days, 4 hours, 26 minutes, 1 second
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