Hi, I'm fat and addicted to oxycotin. Strange because most drug people are thin. Not me, no amount of self-abuse stops my addiction. Actually, I'm getting hungry just thinking

There once was a Quaker Clown who hated kangaroos. We don't know why but he did, but he hated their bouncy, jumping around.

The alarm clock went off way too early this morning. I rolled over and chucked the alarm across the room. The snooze button became obsolete. I reluctently got out of bed

I felt immediately desperate after my divorce, and decided to visit a bar downtown. It’s not like me to drink, however I felt that if I had already lost my husband.. what else could I lose?

He went to the foley stage. It was the last line he had to record for Rocky III. The director told Stallone, "This is where Clubber Lang hits you-" Stallone put his hand up, then

The glittery ball in Times Square started to descend and everyone around seemed joyous as the countdown began

It was a really snowy winter. It had been snowing for a week now and I couldn't even get out of the house any more.

"Don't try this at home," he thought as he stuffed her corpse full of dynamite. He thought of having the fuse come out her vagina or ass, but that was too obvious. No, he would

Sorry. I'm late - I was busy being groped at the airport. I gotta tell you, that's the first time I let another guy touch my junk when I couldn't blame it on too many beers.

Flipping through the channels he froze on UHF. He saw himself sitting there on the tv. His couch was on tv. His living room was on tv. He lifted the remote and

I once had an awesome SNOW GLOBE! Then I lost it.

The black cat was a poor substitute for a broom or a wand, but you worked with what you had. A few magic words and a good lob later, the cat was doing the work of a fireball.

It was the first day back to school after a two week holiday break...

The cat drools when you pet it.

I found the thing.... It was disgusting, horrid, smelly, and overall.... Desirer able. I couldn't help but rush in upon it and touch the Black-Shafted

One day in the magical forest of Narnia, I was flying through the forest on the back of a purple elephant while playing checkers with a blue orangutan, while running from the green

It is always difficult to go back to work after a long holiday weekend. Yolanda prized her time away more than most other medical techs in her clinic. This year, Yolanda saved

It was a clear, dark night and Plantman had just returned from his daily crime watch. He removed his nitrogen-fixing

Ewan dodged into the cardboard box. His keen mouse ears trickled blood and his the darkness encroached. He sheathed his sword and kissed Monica for the final time. The gun dug into

"I don't care what you say, I'll never like you like I used to," she yelled, slamming the door. I stood there, wondering about the words and whether or not