"Told her lightsaber's upside down, ain't my fault the idiot burned her face off...." Darth Anthony murmured as the recruit writhed on the ground. First day at Camp Darkside wasn't

"They rolled in, unrelentlessly, full of vulgar...um I mean..." "CUT!!!!! JLo, Why? Why? Why, can't you get this right?"

I need a story small enough to read on my phone.

I flashed my brights as if to say 'Good morning!'. Then I passed & laid on the horn to say 'Thanks!' Then I slowed down & extended a greeting I'd seen other motorists use to relate

"I'll get around to it," I said as I looked at the broken dish washer. Two weeks later, I was eating off paper plates. Then yesterday, I found it healed itself.

These Easy tips will guarantee a happy life, no matter the size of your wife. Tip 1: Always thank the cashier at the grocery store. Tip 2: Never apologize. Tip 3. Wear socks Tip 4

One morning I woke to find myself slightly elevated. The Turtle of the Baskervilles had somehow found itself under me, flipped. As I rested on its belly, it whispered the 18th word

"Grandpa, did you ever have sex?" "Well, Willie, if remember correctly the last time I wet my whistle it was at the drive-in.about 1955 with your Grandma during..." "Wiillard, shut

"I triple foo dog dare you!" Tony whispered giving me a fierce look. He had removed the indian fetish from his pocket and dangled the foo dog before me sinisterly. I knew the curse

Your lips i taste one mine

The students of Menopeak High School were reading through the list of unusual careers on offer at the Career Day Expo. The first job offered was

The storm railed against the house with thunder so loud, it was deafening. Then, it happened. The sky opened up and it swallowed me whole.

Damian took her hand. "Lisa..." he murmured, "give me a chance." She gazed into his eyes. Then she smiled, and just as his face filled with hope, disengaged from the simulator

I slept the wrong way last night and woke up stiffer than Al Gore. Then I bumbled down the stairs and walked out into the rain without an umbrella. Here I was, my first day in...

When the snow finally stopped, we had what must have been almost four feet accumulated up against the door of the house. We had plenty in the pantry, but the can opener was

I couldn't keep my eyes off of the woman sitting to my left. Stupidly hot, driving a 6 speed better than any man I had ever met in my life. Alas, everyone has a hamartia, and hers

I had a thing for fat Japanese girls. I also had a thing for antique pistols from the Civil War. I never thought that my two loves would coincide when I decided to

I leant on a pillar in aisle 6 reading the nutritional information on a Trader Joe's Belgian Chocolate Pudding. Apparently 'No Belgians were harmed in producing this pudding'. But

Scuse me while I kiss this guy.

Happiness is making blueberry flap jacks on a Sunday morning.