For Godsake, keep your eyes open.

Are we not elves?

The dawn was a splatter of black, grey, blue, red, and orange...but it only stayed that way for about five minutes, when the palette of color suddenly turned bright yellow.

Helicopter Mummy kept her children on track. Surely three minutes on the swingset would be enough for 8-yr-old Jeff to register that memory. His future in Tana-leave cultivation de

"Num ninho de mafagafos,tem sete mafagafinhos...Quando a mafagafa guinfa,guinfam os sete mafagafinhos."

"All right, son. Where'd you hide the body?" Sheriff Braxton demanded, his face screwed up into what he thought was a mask of fatherly concern but was more like Pennywise from "It"

I woke up quick, at about Noon. It was Sunday. Also, my legs were missing. Breakfast consisted of eggs on toast, with a side of sharp despair. I missed my legs. Where could they

It wasn't until a year ago that I realized the full power the National Wasp Socialist Party has on our nation. As a child, every boy and girl gets stung once or twice, but

"Miss Wong,yoa velvet kitty iiiz possess by bad spiriiiiit. Hong Luong ken cure dat. See maiii poten tiga stick is shua fayaa ghost busting dong. Just need to shoo shoo dem ghost

What of the toad?

As my accomplices and I faced Utah's firing squad, I liked my chances. Not only was I short, but I was also discreetly wearing a kevlar body suit. Playing dead in 3, 2, 1..."Fire!"

"I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time. I don't mind you hanging out and talking in your sleep. I guess you're just what I needed."

Some things will never go as planned and Andy had to admit that to himself. Justice would never be dealt, she was too clever and unpredictable for them. "There's only one thing

I finally understood toothpaste for dinner. It is still not my favorite but in a pinch it will do. I had a list to do. I woke in a room in my bed. My Sun in the sky. My earth under

The scarcity of trains made tying oneself to the tracks feel like less of a death wish, so former damsels were self-imposing time to look up at the clouds. New age therapy sessions

"Don't forget to stop and smell the roses once in a while," my mom said. It's as if she didn't know that inefficiency is a federal crime. I stepped into the teleportation chamber

On the far left, the Orion's belt looking three spots partially obscured by clouds are, from the top: South Bend, Fort Wayne (where I was born) in Indiana, and Lima, Ohio. It's a

Meeting early tomorrow. Do not induce hangover. Meeting early tomorrow. Do not induce hangover. Meeting early tomorrow. Do not induce hangover. Meeting in five minutes. Hangover.

"Captain, the Romulans have hacked our Kappabashi training program as well as our food replicators." Ensign Sanjo Weems was sweating. He was still entirely organic. Plastic food

"Later," said Angela Merkel huskily, "mit der whip und die kinky Bavarian boots." Obama, listening in on his secret red phone couldn't help giggling. "Who's she talking to?" he ask