"Captain, the Romulans have hacked our Kappabashi

  • "Captain, the Romulans have hacked our Kappabashi training program as well as our food replicators." Ensign Sanjo Weems was sweating. He was still entirely organic. Plastic food

  • was all well and good when in shop windows in Asakusa, but at the far reaches of the Alpha Quadrant one required something a bit more edible. Sanjo quietly cursed the Romulans, and

  • ate his chitin soup. Damned Romulans couldn't even cook properly, yet they had the gall to invade half the cosmos? Enough is enough, Sanjo decided. If someone would conquer the

  • know universe, they better have good cuisine.

  • know universe, they better have good cuisine.

  • I never found out if there was good cuisine, because they ate me. Without seasoning! Which I found to be in poor taste, as did they. The universe continued to expand.

  • At a certain point the other universes started to notice how much it was expanding. They felt crowded in.The universe shrugged the ugly looks off & swallowed another black hole. I

  • -t then let out a cosmic burp, which gave birth to two stars and a small planet. The planet rotated around the two stars for a couple of eons until life appeared in the form of a

  • buxom redhead named Roxanne. Soon, males from all over the Universe™, came a courting on Roxanne. Unfortunately, for the next five thousand years, Roxanne either ate or dismembered

  • each and every lusty lothario who dared cross her path. Roxanne laughed to herself while licking the last of mankind from her fingertips. Smiling, she burped and fell asleep.



  1. Woab May 28 2020 @ 14:57

    Great last line, VGrrl! And Tweedl's killed me and had me for dessert.

  2. BlastedHeath May 29 2020 @ 00:49

    If we have reached the point where universes are expansion-shaming each other, I think we need to have a talk.

  3. LordVacuity May 29 2020 @ 04:09

    Well if we’re going there I might as pipe in about that one universe’s wormhole condition. I mean just cut back on the tachyons dude.

  4. Jimbeau May 29 2020 @ 08:26

    Woab, I always took you for a slice of Tiramisu. I was right!

  5. Woab May 29 2020 @ 16:24

    Real tiramisu or plastic tiramisu?

  6. Jimbeau May 31 2020 @ 01:38

    Oh, Woab, there isn't anything plastic about you; you are the Real Deal...and a damn good writer, too!

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